Monday, April 11, 2011
Thirty-One Years Today
Thirty-one years today, I said yes.
I am so thankful every day for this
man who never gave up on me.
When I met him, I was seventeen. From the moment
he spoke to me and I looked at him there was something
so different that it scared me to death. I knew deep in my
heart I needed to run as fast as I could and get as far away from
him as possible. I knew that he would change my life.
He kept asking me out on dates, I kept saying no.
He never gives up when he sees what he wants. I think I am very weak as I do always give in.
He asked me on a date and I said yes, but I didn't want to go, I was
afraid. I did something I am still ashamed of.
He was going to be at my house about 5:30 to pick me up on a date.
He went before and bought tickets to see Rocky. Then he went to my house.
But I wasn't there. Nope, I had went to my best friends house. I waited
until 6:00 to call my Mom and tell her where I was. She was livid.
She said, " You get home right now, that boy sat
in this living room and waited for you, why didn't you come home?"
I told her that maybe now he would leave me alone. I was grounded
I felt really guilty, I mean really guilty, but relieved I had dodged a bullet.
I was at work, the next morning, when I looked up and he was standing there, he was just
looking at me with the such a hurt expression on his face.
" I just want to ask one thing Kim, didn't you respect me enough
just to pick up the phone and call and tell me you didn't want to go?" I shook my head, and then I said,
"It really is okay if you want to hate me."
He looked at me and then he said, " I could never, never hate you." Then he turned
and walked away. At that moment I thought forever.
I didn't see him again until the day before he left for college. He came to tell me
good bye. I watched him walk away again. I knew then I had made the biggest
mistake of my life, I had lost my best friend. He would fall in love with
someone who would be nice to him and who would love him and be a good wife
Summer came again, and I didn't even know he was home, I had heard though,
that he had a girl friend.
One day I was going to lunch with my Mom, we were waiting for a parking place and
my mom had backed up a little so a car could get out of the parking place
she wanted. There was a horn honking behind us, I flipped down the visor
to see who was honking, when I saw it was Ron, with his girlfriend in her car. In the middle
of 18th street, I jumped out of my Mom's car while she was yelling for me to stop and wait
for her to park, I ran around to the middle of the street and I saw his eyes light
up and say, " Look, Its Kim," ( like his girlfriend really cared.) My heart was
singing and I knew he would call and he did. We talked about 4 hours that day.
As I thought about him and all that he meant to me
it dawned on me that I wanted to change my life, I wanted to be a wife and not any wife
but his wife. I have wondered all these years why I was so afraid. I think
I was afraid that in saying yes, my life would be so intertwined I would not be me, that
some how I would loose my identity. Now I know without him my life would not have
the richness and the depth that it has now. I would not have found out
that by giving up my life for some one else, I would have had such joy in life.
I am so glad that I did say yes, those 31 years ago and I know that someday
when it is all over I want it to be like this, " Life is not a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty well preserved body, but
rather skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
proclaiming, " Wow what a ride!!!"
Thank you for never ever giving up, now you are stuck with me.