Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Just Thinking

This is one of my just thinking posts. I try very hard to not talk of touchy subjects. Just because mainly I am a coward at heart and do not like to make waves. The views I am getting ready to express are just my own. I have thought and thought and tried to make sense of them and I finally thought I would just share them and of course hope I don't get flamed.

 My sons, who have been very excited to see Dark Knight Rises before all of the stuff happened in Auroa. My older two left for camp and my younger two thought they would wait until their older brother got back to see it. I was hoping they would decide not to go see it at all. Sunday night my son got a bunch of guys together from camp and they all met at the theater to see the movie. My three sons and a bunch of really great young men.

They got home on Sunday night and did the " Oh it was an okay movie and went upstairs and as I was tired and ready for bed I let them."

Monday morning I was folding clothes while my son cooked breakfast. I asked him about his evening and he told me but was still acting funny. My Mom radar was going off and I said, " What else happened?"  He said,
" Well, the movie had just started, when down at the bottom of the theater the outside exit door opened. 4 guys came in and sat down." He looked at me and then continued his story, " He said, every single person in that theater was on high alert and no one was watching the movie. A older man got up and went and found someone to ask them to see their tickets, while everyone watched." He kind of laughed, and said that two of the young men with him who are great big guys and weight lifters were talking between themselves how they were going to take those guys out. "

As he was telling me this story, my knees buckled and I had to leave the room because the fear and the tears and all of the other emotions flooded over me. I kept telling myself " get a grip, nothing happened they were safe."

As I have thought about people who shoot innocent people. I have thought about all of the other times crazy people have shot other people, since I am getting ready to start school and I am still looking into the Civil War, a big crazy that comes to mind is John Brown. He killed innocent people and was hanged for it. There are leaders who do it like the nut jobs in North Korea. But a young man with a seemingly normal life, with normal parents in the same kind of world that my kids are from. That is when this become personal to me. Did that kid play games like my kids play? Did that kid watch all of the movies my own children watch? His parents were in a church. The shooters Dad is in the same field my husband is in so what makes my kids any different? So I have thought and went over my parenting and looked at my life.

The only clue I have found, and I have thought about it over and over was it seems like that kid was alone. He didn't have friends. Was it out of that emptiness and loneliness that young man with the red hair decided to strike out at the world.
There is the words in the last movie Return of the King, Gollum's Song.

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame!
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost
We can never go home

So in the end
I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend
Was ever there for me

Now we say goodbye
We say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame!

And you will weep
When you face the end alone
You are lost
You can never go home
You are lost
You can never go home

 That is the music that plays in my head as I think about the things that have happened. I have thought about the computer age and how isolated we have become from one another. We need other people and we need friends. Liking a status on Face book does not make you a friend, like picking up the phone and saying hi does, since that guy wasn't even on social media, does that mean he didn't even have friends in the world as well? Was he really instead of the Joker, really Gollum at heart?

I have no answers, just questions but they continue to haunt me as I try like puzzle pieces in my brain try to fit this all together. As Gandalf says to Frodo, "
Frodo: It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many. 



Lynn said...

Thank you for this post, Kim. That sounds like a really scary situation for your son and his friends at the movie theater. It was so heartbreaking what happened in Colo. My very first thought when I heard about it was to pray for the parents of the shooter. Because you know they hurt like crazy at this sad, sad thing their son has done. You have put it into words so well. I think just about any tragedy in the world could be any of us going through it, on any side. This world can be such a sad place sometimes. It all just drives me to my knees in prayer.

Beth said...

Excellent post Kim. I can imagine the fear that came over you as your son was telling what had happened at the movie. As mothers we never get over worrying about their safety. We have to trust in God that with our guidance and His they will be safe. Doesn't always happen. I wish it could.

TexWisGirl said...

i think it is important for us to remember that we are all connected in this world. our lives are all interlinked in the energy of this existence. and i think, too, that we humans are all capable of unspeakable cruelty and of 'cracking' under pressure. i do not blame the parents as we all take part in this society.

Alica said...

Our son and his cousin went to see this movie, and I was really nervous about it. They did admit that it was a bit creepy to be sitting there, thinking about what had happened in Colorado. It's so incredibly sad.

Razzberry Corner said...

Kim, what your son went thru made that real. That's so scary. I'm sorry. People can be very messed up, for one reason or another. I see a lot of messed up people in my job. I have stopped trying to figure them all out, there's too many. I just do what I can to stop them before they hurt others or themselves more. Everyone is dealing with the hand dealt as best as they can, I assume. Some just have better judgment or sense than others.


Pom Pom said...

Great post, Kim. I think being a friend is a great work and I'm going to push myself to be faithful in the small aspects of friendship, the thoughtful words, the phone calls, the pats on the back.

Miss Debbie said...

A thoughtful post..thanks for sharing it.

Meg said...

Josh came over this morning and when he told me that he had seen that movie on Saturday my heart just stopped. I almost wanted to scream at him and ask him "Why did you go see that movie?!?! You shouldn't be going to the movies!!!" I had to calm myself down and remember - he is standing in front of me, just fine, and to live in fear is not Godly. It breaks my heart, I have been thinking of the shooting every day since it happened.

Christine said...

I don't know if we can ever understand 'the heart of darkness'. It is just so sad.
I'm glad your sons are just fine.

Thistle Cove Farm said...

Someone told me the boy's mother said, "I'm not surprised." DO WHAT???!!! Why aren't she and the father being held, partially accountable? Yes, I agree adults are responsible for themselves but if the parents had been PRESENT, surely a different ending would have happened...?

Coloring Outside the Lines said...

I feel your fear- so glad your sons were ok and nothing happened.

Debbie said...

as a parent, it is difficult to "not" take responsibilty for our childrens actions. to not feel like everything they do is a reflection of something we did right or wrong. i believe you can do everything "right" as a parent and tragic things can still happen.

it's a sad story for everyone involved. one i have not followed and know very little about. i try to focus more on the positive events of the world, like all the wonderful, dedicated athletes in the olympic games.

i did enjoy this entry kim, i always enjoy the stories you share. xo

From Beyond My Kitchen Window said...

I can't wrap my head around events like the Colorado murders. I have to believe that my kids will be ok when they go out. I have tried since my kids were born to keep the bad thoughts of what could happen to them out of my thinking. It's a constant struggle that I lose on occasion. Sometimes its worse than others. We can only pray that God will keep them safe and give them the strength to handle themselves in a dangerous situation. Thank God you kids are fine.

annie said...

I just pray, and pray some more.
Things like that in Colorado go beyong our capacity to understand.

Julia said...

I'm lost for words on this one. I never go to movies anymore because I dislike crowded theatres. I seldom even watch TV anymore.

Young people are braver than we are because they are getting used to the constant news media reporting some catastrophe, I think. We were raised in a quieter and safer time.

I can't for the life of me know why people have to be the first to see a movie. I'd rather wait until it has been showed for a while before I would go.

I hope that your boys are aware how concerned you are about their safety.

When you think of it, it wasn't safe being a Christian in the time of Jesus and even after his death. Rulers and powerful men have ruled with an iron hand over ordinary people. Luckily we live in a more civilized world, but there are still some cracked pots out there.

Have a safe August.
Hugs, JB

Kim said...

Poor you, I'm sure you were terrified as he was telling you this story. It's such a scary world today. I don't think there is any way we can understand what was going on in that shooters life that made him take such horrific actions. Instead of the billions of dollars governments waste on foolishness every year, some of that money should go to mental health programs so maybe this could have been prevented.

Janettessage.blogspot.com said...

Great post..I am there with you on all of it. God has really pressed on my heart this summer to take the time to be a friend...to those I can touch and see and through prayer and contact through other means. I am seeing more and more how much we need each other.

Thanks for taking a courageous stand and posting.