Just Thinking

This is one of my just thinking posts. I try very hard to not talk of touchy subjects. Just because mainly I am a coward at heart and do not like to make waves. The views I am getting ready to express are just my own. I have thought and thought and tried to make sense of them and I finally thought I would just share them and of course hope I don't get flamed.

 My sons, who have been very excited to see Dark Knight Rises before all of the stuff happened in Auroa. My older two left for camp and my younger two thought they would wait until their older brother got back to see it. I was hoping they would decide not to go see it at all. Sunday night my son got a bunch of guys together from camp and they all met at the theater to see the movie. My three sons and a bunch of really great young men.

They got home on Sunday night and did the " Oh it was an okay movie and went upstairs and as I was tired and ready for bed I let them."

Monday morning I was folding clothes while my son cooked breakfast. I asked him about his evening and he told me but was still acting funny. My Mom radar was going off and I said, " What else happened?"  He said,
" Well, the movie had just started, when down at the bottom of the theater the outside exit door opened. 4 guys came in and sat down." He looked at me and then continued his story, " He said, every single person in that theater was on high alert and no one was watching the movie. A older man got up and went and found someone to ask them to see their tickets, while everyone watched." He kind of laughed, and said that two of the young men with him who are great big guys and weight lifters were talking between themselves how they were going to take those guys out. "

As he was telling me this story, my knees buckled and I had to leave the room because the fear and the tears and all of the other emotions flooded over me. I kept telling myself " get a grip, nothing happened they were safe."

As I have thought about people who shoot innocent people. I have thought about all of the other times crazy people have shot other people, since I am getting ready to start school and I am still looking into the Civil War, a big crazy that comes to mind is John Brown. He killed innocent people and was hanged for it. There are leaders who do it like the nut jobs in North Korea. But a young man with a seemingly normal life, with normal parents in the same kind of world that my kids are from. That is when this become personal to me. Did that kid play games like my kids play? Did that kid watch all of the movies my own children watch? His parents were in a church. The shooters Dad is in the same field my husband is in so what makes my kids any different? So I have thought and went over my parenting and looked at my life.

The only clue I have found, and I have thought about it over and over was it seems like that kid was alone. He didn't have friends. Was it out of that emptiness and loneliness that young man with the red hair decided to strike out at the world.
There is the words in the last movie Return of the King, Gollum's Song.

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame!
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost
We can never go home

So in the end
I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend
Was ever there for me

Now we say goodbye
We say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame!

And you will weep
When you face the end alone
You are lost
You can never go home
You are lost
You can never go home

 That is the music that plays in my head as I think about the things that have happened. I have thought about the computer age and how isolated we have become from one another. We need other people and we need friends. Liking a status on Face book does not make you a friend, like picking up the phone and saying hi does, since that guy wasn't even on social media, does that mean he didn't even have friends in the world as well? Was he really instead of the Joker, really Gollum at heart?

I have no answers, just questions but they continue to haunt me as I try like puzzle pieces in my brain try to fit this all together. As Gandalf says to Frodo, "
Frodo: It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many. 

~Kim~