Thursday, May 10, 2012

Thinking on Thursday

My friends and I have these discussions every year around Mother's Day. We all agree that it is a stupid guilt ridden holiday. We have always wondered why this is and why do we have to limit it to one day anyway. As long as I get my way, every day is Mother's Day right? I tell my kids to not pay any attention to the day and just treat it as such. Besides if they were giving awards, I think mine should be the Worst Mother award.

I will tell you a buried secret. My daughter is 30 so they can't come lock me up. When I became a mother I didn't know a thing, not a thing. My husband being a resourceful man worked and worked to learn out to fold a cloth diaper. We were too poor to buy disposable ones. The first morning he left me to go to work and I was left in that empty house with a baby,  I was terrified. I was sitting in a chair crying, because I just didn't know what in the world I was going to do, then the thought came, you pick her up and change her and feed her. Duh!! Right away we know I am not a rocket scientist.

That was huge to me. But here is the bad part. Sitting in the rocking chair holding my new baby and as I looked at her, I wondered if she was really real. I stared at her and then I thought, " I wonder what happens if I pull her hair?" So very gently I pulled it she squirmed around so I knew then she was a real baby. Then cried my eyes out that I would do something so dumb.

 Or the time I thought I could just leave her asleep and go to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I walked out to the car to get in and by the time I reached the door of the car I was shaking so bad I went right back in the house. Cried and cried that time too.

My daughter has been parenting 101 she had to be the demo child in everything. She had to experience my inexperience first hand, she had to be the demo child when it came to home schooling. Every thing I did that was wrong she had to watch. She is a good mother and I am so thankful that God took all of my mistakes and turned them a around for good.
So when Mother's Day comes around, well lets say, I still am not real sure about this mothering thing. I saw a sign once that said, " Who are all of these children and why are they calling me mother?"  That pretty much describes me. Each time I was in labor, and I knew there was no way I could do it again and how in the world did those other ones get in that house, well I feel like that every year at Mother's Day.

For me, I really feel like I should drop to my knees and ask forgiveness for all of the dumb ideas I had that they had to live through, all of the food they had to eat. I swear one summer they ate every single kind of cold cereal on the market shelves. My son was recounting the other day, the whole wheat stage I went through when I ground my wheat and used it to make this thing called a puff pancake, or the Ortega casserole stage, they said we ate that every night too.

No, when Mother's Day rolls around, for me, it is just better best forgotten

That is why I am more shocked than anyone they still like me. Not only that, then even give me hugs
and say, " I love you, Mom you are the best."
It makes you wonder,
Happy Thursday!


Ellen said...

Oh Kim, you mustn't be so hard on yourself, we've all been there. Sometimes when I think of all the dumb things I did as a young mother, it just makes me crazy. Isn't it funny how quickly those memories surface and the ones when we are at our best just seem to fade away. The lucky thing is that our children remember those truly wonderful magical moments. I think that's when the guilt sets in because they don't hold those crazy moments against us. Have a great day!

Tricia said...

I think most mothers could tell similar stories! I still remember when my mom left after helping with my first baby. My husband was driving her to the airport two hours away, so I would be along with The Baby for the first time and for several hours! I remember thinking, "Y'all are going to leave ME here with this baby??"

Kim said...

Oh Kim, if I was closer I would give you a little smack on the top of your silly little head. Just look at the 6 wonderful people you created. They didn't just hatch and raise themselves with morals and values and sense of humor and kindness and compassion and warmth.......Do I really need to go on here? I think the skunk fumes are affecting your thoughts. Breathe in some fresh air, go outside and listen to your chickens, have a cup of tea AND smarten up! LOL Love you honey!

TexWisGirl said...

I adore how open and honest you are. Besides, your heart is as big as texas. That makes you a great mom.

Kerin said...

you are not alone in your feelings for Mother's Day :)
Every year I expect the birds to awaken me with song and flowers to fill my house to the brim.
Then reality strikes!
There are still dishes to do, the sun still comes up and goes down in the same places..etc..

Thank heavens that the Lord sent me children that are smarter than I am, and that they have thrived spite of my mistakes :) said...

I am standing on my chair...shouting at the top of my lungs...........YOU ARE SO RIGHT..and these are my thoughts each year!!! I wanted to just run away this year...and when my kids start having kids that is when the attention goes on all those young mothers...and off of me!!!

I had a friend's husband tell his wife..."because you worry about being a good mother just shows that you are one, the ones who don't worry are the ones that are the bad mothers."

You Kim are a great mother!!! Thanks so much for the said everything I was feeling today and just took it from my heart and wrote it out.

Meg said...

LOL! Well, now I know where Ben got the baby hair pulling from... I think you are a great mama. I love all your kids and they're all (fairly) normal. ;) All of us have done some weird stuff when it comes to new babies... (Like that time I thought Jack would just sit up in the chair at 2 months and of course he felt over and onto the floor...)

Dog Trot Farm said...

Oh, the trials and tribulation of motherhood, somehow "we" all survive. I know you were and are an incredible mother, just look at those wonderful young adults who call you MOM. Hugs, Julie.

Debbie said...

Oh Kim I think most of us mother's can relate. When I had my first (at 18!) 39 years ago he would have completely starved to death if it weren't for my mom. I was terrified of him for the first 3 weeks of his life...When my second one pulled an oak hutch over on himself I waited to be arrested. By the time the third one came around you'd think I was finally sure of myself, but alas soo not the case. I sat up ALL NIGHT LONG watching him breathe when he had a simple cold because I was sure he'd stop otherwise. And sometimes I look back at some of what I thought at the time was BRILLIANT advice to my teenage daughter, and I could just cry. No, I have often felt my kids grew up and survived IN SPITE of me....I have even spent long hours in tears and prayers sure their decisions as teenagers and adults were the direct result of my fumbling. But you know what I have FINALLY learned? I loved them as best as I could, and tried to be a good mom as best as I could, and God blessed me and covered my mistakes with His mercy and grace, and they love me back.... : )

Alica said...

From what I'm hearing...from your blog posts and from your friends' are a WONDERFUL mother! But I know the feeling of inadequacy...sometimes I feel like if my kids still like me when they're adults, I'll be lucky!! Hope your day is great! :)

Pom Pom said...

I actually think it's kind of funny that you pulled your baby girl's hair. We laugh when people pull our pony tails. I don't know why we think it's so funny!
Now it is time to celebrate the working moms and I am not one of those anymore. I just want to buy flowers for myself. That's what I'll do and then I will be happy to prepare a yummy meal for our girls because they are living the mommy life now. Happy Mother's Day to you, friend!

Julia said...

Kim, I know how you feel, I don't think that I was such a great mother and I feel a twinge of guilt that perhaps I could have done better but deep in my heart, I know that I've done my best. Some days were really hard doing it alone with no help as my family lived far away.

Being a mother is a really hard job and we deserve a special day to recognize Motherhood. We are a vessel for humanity
The whole world depends on us.

You raised your kids with love and moral values and they all survived and are able to appreciate you more after they have kids of their own because they know that it's not an easy job at all even with all the gadgets and latest conveniences.
It's rewarding yes, but it's a 24/7, 365 day job. And when it's all over, you have to let them fly out of the nest.

Kids are like little puppies, they love us unconditionally. They run to us when they hurt themselves and we kiss it better. We wipe their tears when they cry, we cuddle them for comfort. We stay up all night when they are sick.

They need us even when they grow up. It's all about relationship and not so much in how we went about doing this job.

Let the kids spoil you on Mother's Day. It's feels good for them to do this for you. You gave them life and that is the most precious gif of all.
The gift of motherhood comes from the Creator. He walks along side of us and covers our mistakes.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you dear Kim.

Hugs, JB

Sassafras and Winterberry said...

Darling...did you write this for me? I really think that we are twins separated at birth! I have such misgivings every year at Mother's Day. My models of parenting weren't all that great. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be Donna Reed, with a little Martha Stewart mixed in. I didn't succeed in that. But, we teach our kids what we can. We teach them our humor, our joy in creating, our willingness to love in the face of pain or loss, and our courage. You've shared some about your kids and they are wonderful, lovely, young people! I know you are a great Mother!!
Big Hugs!
Courtney said...

Now THIS is an honest post!! I have felt the same, and feel almost uncomfortable when they honor me on mother's day. Of everyone on earth, we know our own failures and weaknesses, and the beauty of children is that they just simply love us.

In spite of ourselves... Happy Mother's Day Kim!! I would be shocked if your kids felt anything other than love. I've seen your heart over and over, and I love your honesty. See... all that and you aren't even my mother!! :)


Thistle Cove Farm said...

What a GREAT post; thank you! Daddy always says about making New Year's Resolutions...if you're living the way you're supposed to live the rest of the year, you don't need resolutions.
That's how I feel about Mother's/Father's Day; if we're honoring our parents the rest of the year, stop with the guilt day!

Patrice said...

Mother's Day! Father's Day! Bleh- they were all invented by a big company to sell greeting cards. ;) I was SO much older when I became a mother that I didn't have some of what you said. I can totally see a young mom feeling so insecure.

You have done a great job- it shows. I am the worry wart of all mothers. I think I'd be more inclined to celebrate Worry Day. That's it- Worry Day. My holiday.As I was caring for my kids (and as I still do) I second guess myself all the time. I spent some time comparing myself to other mothers in the early years, but that was a real loser for me. We are who we are, and who God made us to be. That is what we have to our credit for raising our families. It's by His grace that we are able to be good parents.

I have a friend who has an incredibly obnoxious mother-in-law. The woman would call her a day or two before Mother's Day and ask what she was planning to do for her that day. "Where are you taking me for dinner? I do hope you're buying me a gift." Can you imagine that? Mandatory Mother's Day celebration. No, thanks!

I've enjoyed reading the other comments almost as much as reading your post. You have some neat friends in the Blogosphere, lady!

You're a good mom and a good friend. I know these things!!!

Nancy said...

I think you hit a soft spot with all of us....We have all been there and and done that and depend on God to take all our mistakes and turn them to good...I know I gives me goose bumps to think of some of the things I did.....but you know we loved them and did the best we knew and they turn out great in spite of us....proves to me God has to have His hand on them.....

I love your honesty and transparancy; you always touch me.....

Kathy ... aka Nana said...

Oh Kim, don't be so hard on yourself ... we've all made mistakes as moms and have so many regrets. You're such a good friend ... I'm confident that you are just as good a mom.

Empty Nester said...

They love you because you're YOU! You are the mom God chose for those kids. Look at them! They beautiful, healthy, happy, smart, etc. YOU did that. YOU. They also learned not to be afraid to try new things and keep at it until they master it. They learned that coming up with ideas is a great way to learn how to do things as well as how NOT to do them. When I see pictures of your family I see happy faces on everyone. That speaks volumes about the wonderful mother they have! Happy Mother's Day my wonderful friend!

Gloria said...

I read quite a few books to prepare myself, and helped with my niece and nephew as babies. Even keeping them for a week when I was first married, so my sister could go on a trip. That did help me a tiny bit. Nothing can really prepare you for the 24/7 job...that really never stops totally! :)

Happy Mother's Day to you!!


Debbie said...

i think it is a difficult holiday. trying to enjoy it myself because i am a mother. trying to be sure my mom and my mother-in-law feel special and that we spend enough time with them!! it's difficult, i get tired and i can't wait till it's over. true story!!

Sue said...

"I love you Mom, you are the best," says it best. Wishing you a most blessed and Happy Mother's day, Kim.

From Beyond My Kitchen Window said...

I'm still going to say Happy Mother's Day Kim. Everyone makes mistakes and I certainly made my share too.