Friday, May 11, 2012
It doesn't matter what was said or done, but what matters was I couldn't forgive. I told my husband earlier this week that I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers and they bounce off the ceiling.
I don't know why God has always done things in my life the way He does but when He wants me to go in a direction that I am not going, He starts making me uncomfortable. First thing that happened was the night Sasha got sprayed by the skunk.
The second thing was the cancellation of my chick order. That was a deep one and I knew in my heart this was just for me and I needed to start paying attention.
The third thing is every morning there is a skunk in my yard and I knew I needed to go to the feed store to get some more skunk deodorizer. I didn't want to go, but this morning when my husband saw the skunk out by my coop I knew I just had to have it on hand.
One of the things is that I have held onto my justified bitterness. You know all about bitterness and that the only thing bitterness corrodes is the vessel it is in and this time the bitterness was in me. I didn't even know how much bitterness was in my soul until I was driving to the feed store.
Corrie Ten Boom tells a story about forgiveness and a guard that had been so mean to her sister Betsy and herself in the consantration camp. She saw him while she was speaking and it wasn't until he touched her that she could forgive. Then it was Jesus in her that gave her the strength.
Now nothing like that happened to me at all. I went in bought my things and got the chicks and came back out to my car. I got back in the drivers seat, then I realized the bitterness I have been carrying around with me was gone. This very heavy burden that I have carried around was gone and I felt lighter.
This week I was reading a passage where Jesus had told Peter to feed his sheep. Finally after the third time,
Peter understands what Jesus wants, but then Peter says to Jesus, "Jesus what about John," Jesus turns and looks at Peter and says, " What is it to you, Peter, you follow me."
I thought about that and then this morning as I sat in the car those words came back to me. It didn't matter what was said or done, God was telling me to follow Him. What matters most is I finally heard from Him again, life made sense again but the best part is I am free from the bitterness I was nursing in my heart.
It doesn't matter if anything that happened gets fixed, that isn't about me, what is about me though is I can move on because I was able to finally forgive from my heart.
I had to share this because this whole week has been one trial after another. Each one was timed and delivered not by a harsh hand but by a loving Father who knew my heart. He knew the way I should walk, and He has and did lead me every step of the way.
Okay here is a picture of my chicks, Roosters or not it is nice to have chicks again.
a wonderful weekend,