Thinking on Thursday

My friends and I have these discussions every year around Mother's Day. We all agree that it is a stupid guilt ridden holiday. We have always wondered why this is and why do we have to limit it to one day anyway. As long as I get my way, every day is Mother's Day right? I tell my kids to not pay any attention to the day and just treat it as such. Besides if they were giving awards, I think mine should be the Worst Mother award.

I will tell you a buried secret. My daughter is 30 so they can't come lock me up. When I became a mother I didn't know a thing, not a thing. My husband being a resourceful man worked and worked to learn out to fold a cloth diaper. We were too poor to buy disposable ones. The first morning he left me to go to work and I was left in that empty house with a baby,  I was terrified. I was sitting in a chair crying, because I just didn't know what in the world I was going to do, then the thought came, you pick her up and change her and feed her. Duh!! Right away we know I am not a rocket scientist.

That was huge to me. But here is the bad part. Sitting in the rocking chair holding my new baby and as I looked at her, I wondered if she was really real. I stared at her and then I thought, " I wonder what happens if I pull her hair?" So very gently I pulled it she squirmed around so I knew then she was a real baby. Then cried my eyes out that I would do something so dumb.

 Or the time I thought I could just leave her asleep and go to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I walked out to the car to get in and by the time I reached the door of the car I was shaking so bad I went right back in the house. Cried and cried that time too.

My daughter has been parenting 101 she had to be the demo child in everything. She had to experience my inexperience first hand, she had to be the demo child when it came to home schooling. Every thing I did that was wrong she had to watch. She is a good mother and I am so thankful that God took all of my mistakes and turned them a around for good.
So when Mother's Day comes around, well lets say, I still am not real sure about this mothering thing. I saw a sign once that said, " Who are all of these children and why are they calling me mother?"  That pretty much describes me. Each time I was in labor, and I knew there was no way I could do it again and how in the world did those other ones get in that house, well I feel like that every year at Mother's Day.

For me, I really feel like I should drop to my knees and ask forgiveness for all of the dumb ideas I had that they had to live through, all of the food they had to eat. I swear one summer they ate every single kind of cold cereal on the market shelves. My son was recounting the other day, the whole wheat stage I went through when I ground my wheat and used it to make this thing called a puff pancake, or the Ortega casserole stage, they said we ate that every night too.

No, when Mother's Day rolls around, for me, it is just better best forgotten

That is why I am more shocked than anyone they still like me. Not only that, then even give me hugs
and say, " I love you, Mom you are the best."
It makes you wonder,
Happy Thursday!
~Kim~