Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Thoughts on Thursday

I have had a hard couple of weeks. Not anything earth shattering,
but the kind of weeks that make me want to run away and never come back.
I am not good at all with confrontation. One of the things I read this week was,
"I believe that a woman's true liberation is obedience to God.
A real woman receives His Word, allows herself to be renewed and remade,
redefined, transformed by the Word."
(From Let Me Be a Woman, cassette series.)

" Let your beauty be...the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of
a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."
(1 Peter 3:3,4)

One of the things I am not good at and never will be is giving up on someone. I had got myself
into a situation and I was making myself sick with worry. For 5 years my husband has
asked me to stop a friendship that was going from bad to worse to nightmare. I kept thinking
I could help. Finally I realized I had put my family at risk.

It took me a hour to finally say what had to be said, and I learned that, " I thought more
highly of myself than I ought." It was no big deal to the person involved and I was the
only one upset. I still don't feel normal. I have spent years being sick inside for this persons

Then yesterday, the insurance company that we have done business with for over
25 years decided that the paper work I have used for my kids that are drivers isn't good
enough anymore. All of the arguments that were used in the early years of homeschooling
were used against me. Only now 25 years later I could answer them. I am still debating
turning them over to the HSLDA,( Home School Legal Defense Association). My son
graduates on Friday, never did I dream that I would be having this kind of dialog.

I also read today, "If you believe in a God who controls the big things, you
have to believe in a God who controls the little things. It is we, of course, to whom
things look "little" or "big".
(Let Me Be a Woman, p.18)

All have been blows to my heart. I have struggled to get back to my feet in a sense.
I have looked so hard at my actions, at my choices and of course my relationship
with God. I have learned that I am not as important as I thought. I had chosen to
do a good thing that I thought was for God, but finding out that it was not the best
thing for my family or me.
These things are little things, but to me they were huge. I once again stand back
and realize that God doesn't change but He does expect obedience. So hopefully,
it won't take me five years next time to finally get it.

I am curious though to see how God works it out.

Have a great Thursday.


Patrice said...

He will work it out. We always want to do it ourselves. I become quite impatient, He is faithful. Rest dear friend. Do something relaxing, but before you do, hand all of this to Him. Then you'll really be able to relax.
I care!

Meg said...

How is your paperwork not good enough? They won't insure because you're homeschooling?

I have to tell you I am very proud of your for making the decision you did about this friend. I feel so very relieved now that you've just "gotten it over with" and she's not a part of your life anymore. I think it's a very good thing, even if it was hard.

Love you, and see you tomorrow!

TexWisGirl said...

i do that often - i take myself too seriously and fret over something that shouldn't be on my mind. but we're human. and sometimes we try too hard. :)

Nancy Grossi ~ Churned In Cali ~ The Wife of a Dairyman said...

Some good thoughts, Kim:)

Julia said...

Kim, I knew that there was something wrong. I could feel it in the under tones of your posts. Ending a relationship takes courage and I'm proud of you. This type of relationship can suck the life out of you. I know, I've been there and when you end the relationship, it is freeing but part of you wish that it could have been different.

I don't understand about the insurance issue and home schooling.
I hope that it will all turn out OK. Hugs, JB said...

I too have had a similar week...well couple of weeks and even though my circumstances are different I totally hear you heart.
My prayers are going forth for you right now. So, so sorry!

Hugs as God walks you through releasing the friendship...been there, know that struggle, but also know God's ways are higher and his purposes are always good. I pray peace in Jesus name..may your heart be lifted and lighter.

Sorry about the insurance and home school issues..we haven't crossed any of that before.

Debbie said...

Sorry you have had a rough couple of weeks. It does sound like God has been showing you some important stuff though.

I too have found myself in a friendship I needed to let go of. (a few years ago now) I know how hard that it is. How I loss sleep over it. Drug my family along with me. It's just soo hard. But it sounds like you have got the hard part behind you, and the Lord will bring you through the rest of it.

Sorry too about the home school problems. I know nothing about any of that, but I soo admire you women who have devoted your life to such a worthy cause. I know the Lord will bless your efforts.

Have a good day!


Kessie said...

I knew the insurance company was going to screw you over, after mine lost my paperwork and then dropped me because they hadn't seen my paperwork. Totally turn them in to the HSLDA. Grr!

no spring chicken said...

I too have had the same experience with a few people in my life. When you talked about it affecting your family I sighed out loud. Why does it have to come to that before we do what we need to do? Because long before we realize it's taking it's toll, it's been damaging. I guess I'm a slow learner, I pray that you are through that school and will know how to handle these things quicker than I did. I think I'm better at it finally. It seems there have been red flag situations where I was able to keep myself in a safer position than I normally might have in the past.

Way back when, I took your cute little poll in your sidebar. I'm Elinor Dashwood too. Go figure. :)

Blessings, Debbie

no spring chicken said...

I had to come back and say, you are so right about listening to our husbands. Or, I should say God is so right, imagine!


Kim said...

Aww, I'm sorry you have been having such a difficult time. But it sounds like you did the right thing. Sometimes we get ourselves involved in "toxic" relationships and it is difficult and painful sometimes to get out of them but I am glad you did so, and put yourself first. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you strong. And please stop saying you are not as important as you thought. You ARE important.
Hugs, Kim

Larkrise garden girl said...

I am with Kim, Sometimes by being kind to someone who treats us wrong is not what God wants for us.It is fine to think you first it's healthy and I am meaning in a not selfish way.It's taking care of your family and you. I have learned the hard way Toxic people can minipulate your heart. They use your kindness and love to prey on you. Be of good cheer Life is a work in progress, Hugs Cheri

Primitives By The Light of The Moon said...

I'm sorry you have been going through such a hard time. I'm a fixer too and sometimes I have to just step back and let things be and it's so hard. Everything always works out for the best somehow. God is in control and I need to remember that.

Julia said...

With Blogger being sick with a bug, he took my comment away.

So sorry for your hard couple of weeks. Ending a relationship sometimes take a lot of courage and I'm glad that it's over. It has happened to me, my friend was just sucking the life out of me and was constantly at my door and one day I just told her that she had better go when she got a bit too feisty for my taste and she left but I felt sorry and I gave her a hug before she left. She was not a bad person, just always finding faults with everyone that she was dragging me down too. I still talk to her but our relationship has boundaries.

I hope that things with the insurance has been straighten out by now. It's most peculiar.

I hope that you have a great weekend. JB

Sue said...

Oh! how I related to this post Kim, and had to learn a hard lesson,My dh husband would say "Sue you can't save the world." But I didn't listen, having said that I have to believe that what you and I did, was not in vain. God's Word does not return void. But I knew there was a time that I had to let go.
As far as the insurance company, I would say don't let them get away with this, it seems like discrimination to me.
I am always so blessed with how God helps us to figure out everything, he always reminds me that His ways are not mine, nor His thoughts mine, and for that I am so thankful because Sue would make a mess.~smile~
I will be praying about this.

Sue said...

Kim, I almost forgot,to wish your son the best on this milestone in his journey of life, may all his dreams and plans come to fruition.