Thoughts on Motherhood

Mother's Day is around the corner. I always thought
you needed to feel like a mother for this holiday to "work."
I saw a sign once that said, " Who are all of these children,
and why are they calling me Mother."(I wanted one but my husband didn't like it.)
I was sitting on the front porch when I was in labor one
time and there was 3 kids asleep in the house and yet I kept
wondering how they got there.

Being a mother was never never in the list of things I wanted to
be. I wanted to be a vet, or a nurse. I wanted to be a special education
teacher and then I wanted to just be rich and make lots of money and
be famous all of that. I wanted to ride horses and train them and
have a famous stable. Then I wanted to be a cattle rancher.


When I was pregnant with my first baby, I thought it was going to be
like how I loved my cat. I loved my cat a lot. I told my Mom, "that I was
going to put the kid in daycare and I was going back to work. I wasn't going
to be like those dumb women that lost their brains when they had a kid."

My Mom said, " since you feel this way, why don't you just give the baby to me?"
I said, " sure no problem." There was a tiny tug at my heart as I said that though.


When I had her, and the doctor said, " It's a girl." I thought
I would die because I thought I knew what love was, but until that moment, I never knew.
My knees would go weak, with my love for my children, I never knew that I would
care about their lives more than my own. I never knew that I would gladly give my life
to protect them.
When my Mom came in the first thing she said was, " You gave her to me she is mine, when
can I take her home?" I clutched her to my chest and said, " she is mine I worked too hard
for her."
But when my Dad came in, I cried and cried and said, " I was so sorry I broke your heart."
I never knew how much you loved me."


One time when I was pregnant with my sixth child, a person said, " Will you love this baby as much as the others?
" Isn't it hard to love more than a couple of kids?" I explained that
your heart grows bigger and bigger and love knows no bounds nor is it limited by number.

Now as a grandmother, I am so thankful for my girls. My girls are the best mothers.
They work so hard every day at the jobs they have been given.
They do a much better job than I ever did.
They have lovely children and I am so proud of them and really, I enjoy every
day watching them mother the gifts they have been given.
So from me to my lovely, girls,
Happy Mother's Day.

Now my sign will say, " Who are all of these kids and why are they
calling me gama."

Have a lovely day Mother's Day.

~Kim~