Monday Morning

I loved this picture of a Zinnia still so tight in its bud.
I hope the frost doesn't come before it has a chance to bloom.
Why this speaks to me today is, really, don't want to write
about this but all day it has been on my mind.

Then the message this morning, was on forgiveness. I tried
to ignore it. Then later this afternoon, I put in my I pod and
went to work on some wood and I thought, well I will just listen
to a message and it was on forgiveness. I have been
running from it all day.

Yesterday, when I was at the conference. You know with 11,000
people in attendance you are going to run into people you know.
Well, I was just going along minding my own business.
We were standing in line waiting to get ice cream. I don't like
ice cream so I shouldn't even have been there but my husband likes
it so I went. We are visiting with the people behind us and
the people in front of us when my husband leans over and says, "
Look, that is so and so and his wife." I looked and all of a sudden,
I am mad, I mean crazy mad. I mean, glad his wife had gained weight and
he is totally white headed. Yep, I stood there and was a bitter,
and evil woman. I wanted to run.

I have to tell you, this man and his wife have done nothing to me
personally. But he did things to my husband. For three years, he made
my husbands life hell. Every day when my husband left for work,
my stomach was in knots. My Dad was sick and died and I went through
it alone because this man had projects that had to be finished.

My husband, always had a good attitude. I did not. I knew that
of course, I had to forgive this man. I studied the life of Joseph
I tried to remember that God means this for good. It was so hard
to get on my knees and pray for this man and his family, but I did
it because I wanted to be free.
Then the morning came when I knew I had finally forgiven him.
My husband called me to tell me that this man had turned in his two week
notice. I kept thinking why didn't I forgive him sooner.

So until yesterday, standing in the line, I have not thought of him at all.
But I have today. I have walked and walked because of the evil that still
lurks in my evil heart. I have tried to forgive and I have tried to focus
on really the good that came out of all of it.

My husband works in a much nicer company, with very sweet people.
God continues to bless the work of his hands. My life is so much better.
I got into size 8 jeans, oops sorry.
God has brought such joy in my life that I never dreamed in 2003,
I am so blessed, but still I found out today, I still need to forgive.
My husband didn't even act like anything ever happened. Just because
he is that nice.

I didn't want to write about this because I want you to think I am always nice.
I am not. It has been on my mind and wouldn't go away.
This is what I read today.
In His Mercy, God stands silently by and permits us to agonize.
He loves us enough---strongly enough, irresistibly enough---to
allow us to be hurt."

I know that He is there with me, even when I don't want to listen
but I do know that I like being free better than having unforgiveness
in my heart. I know that " For where my treasure is, there my heart
will be also."
( Matthew 6:21)
I want my heart to not shrink back from the shepherd who continues
to lead me.

So I thought I would share this with you, because it was what I
thought about all day, even when I tried to keep busy so I wouldn't.
I do hope you have a lovely Monday.

Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, for His wonderful works to the children of men!

(Psalm. 107:6)