Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Confessions of a Terrible Wife

Now that my husband is well, I thought I would confess to you that I should get an award for being the most terrible wife. You know that story of the glass, and what you really are is when the glass gets bumped and the stuff spills over the edge? In my dream world, I am a woman who doesn't get ruffled by trials, she can take every thing in stride and is kind to all.

The truth of the matter is--- I yelled at him, I thought he was faking and showed very little compassion. I have been bitten by a black widow before, and I just went shopping so I could be closer to the hospital if need be.  I really tried to get him to just go shopping. I thought if he walked it off and if he stopped thinking about the pain and the-whole- not -being- able- to- breathe- part- he would be fine. 

I am not a good nurse. Then he got sicker and I was afraid he was going to die. So I got nice, sort of. I mean for me. So the things I learned from this is:
  1. I need to stop thinking of myself more highly that I ought. 
  2. Get a adult antihistamine. Charcoal and Epsom salts. Those were the things that worked. 
  3. Make sure you know where you are going and don't get lost trying to find the Urgent Care
       Above all, be kind, compassionate, understanding and empathetic. Telling him that it isn't as hard as giving  birth six times doesn't help.

What I really learned, is just how selfish I am.  When God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. After all of the world was created and everything was perfect into this he put Adam. When God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, he formed woman. The most beautiful, perfect woman in every way. 
My job, is to be that, to compliment my husband, to be the person to who anticipates his needs and desires and be his help meet. I am not. I put myself on that throne, I forget, I am not a queen. He is not my servant. I was created as woman, to be his helper. What I love about the word helper is that it is also the other word for comforter. I am to be all of that too, to comfort him, and love him and build him up and be strong when he is weak. I fell down horribly on the job. 

 I started a thirty day challenge today, just because I need to get my head back in the game. It is a thirty day Bless Your Husband challenge. I will admit to you, I really didn't want to do it because I think if truth be told, I am still a bit mad at him. I am trying to be truthful. So this morning's challenge was to be grateful for all that he does, every day. No complaining. No negatives out of my mouth. It is early morning and I have gnawed off a inch off my tongue. 

I just thought I would come clean. With the passing of Elisabeth Elliot, I have been thinking of all that I learned from her. Her words always kicked me around the block, but it was good for me, and for my marriage and for my children and for my life. Being accountable is always a good thing. Besides, I didn't want you thinking that I was something was not. Sometimes I can sugar coat the truth. Well most of the time, I just show you my pretty flowers and not the weeds. 

I hope you have a lovely Wednesday. Thank you for reading this silly blog. Thank you for walking with me on this journey called life. 


 “The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”
---Elisabeth Elliot 


Alica said...

Oh Kim, I hear you loud and clear! I think getting married and having kids showed me most of all just how selfish and self centered I am! I don't want to be...and I know you don't either...but we are human and we fail! And we start over again! :) Hugs to you from way over here!

NanaNor's said...

Kim~You sound perfectly human to me. I was surprised at how your hubby reacted to the bite, because I've been told that they produce flu like symptoms and aren't life threatening. Now I know better. Stop beating yourself up, you made some mistakes but I bet you won't do that again. Sending love your way and understanding!

Susan said...

Thanks for holding up that mirror for me. My husband recently retired and I am struggling!

Buttons Thoughts said...

Oh STOP that I agree completely with NanaNor's. I am a terrible nurse too and I have lots of stories to tell you someday about the things I thought I failed at and yelled at:) Take care and be kind to yourself. Hug B

Kessie said...

True confessions today on the blog, huh? Maybe I should take that challenge, too. Except about not snarling at the kids. It's been so hot, they bounce off the walls instead of going outside, and it drives me nuts. I'm praying for monsoons.

TexWisGirl said...

you were just awful, weren't you? ;)

Debbie said...

Oh Kim I feel you have written this for me....The Lord has really been trying to get my attention on this very subject for a while now....I am going to take this post as confirmation I am NOT mis-hearing Him, I am married to practically a saint....and I am not exaggerating. While strong and manly in every way....and OK NOT perfect, he truly has a servants heart and I have benefited from that for 40 years. Used to be I didn't feel like I took advantage of that but recently I don't feel like that's true, With my knees and other health issues he practically waits on me hand and foot so that I can have the strength and ability to do what pleases me....what I enjoy. And it works for me I am not going to lie. But meanwhile I do feel that I take it for granted and expect and yes demand more and more. I am beginning to wonder what's in this relationship for him. I too can be very unsympathetic as he is almost always the picture of health and I struggle, so WHEN he is sick my attitude is generally, well you haven't felt good a couple of days, while I on the other hand suffer always. I need to change a lot of this. I need a much better attitude, more appreciation, less demands, less whining, and just old good loving care on my part too. I am wondering how many other wives would have responded the way you did? Way too many I am thinking. Soooo, we will encourage each other in this challenge. I need to get off of here and start with telling my hubby NOT to come home at lunch time to help me get my broken sewing machine over to the shop to be's soo heavy, but I CAN lift it and do it myself. I just prefer the help irregardless of the inconvenience on his day....shame on me. Thank you for this post!!! Have a good week!

Julia said...

Kim, I certainly will not be throwing stones at you because I'm as bad if not worst.

One thing that I have noticed is that men can't tolerate pain as well as us women but I don't know why they have a low threshold of tolerance for pain.

Maybe you got bitten by a male Black Widow spider or a juvenile and they are not poisonous.

Maybe the heat was making you cranky that day.
Hope that you get a good cooling rain.

Joy said...

Hello Kim, I am just now reading the 'spider saga'. Wow, that was rough and frightening! I am glad that your husband is getting better. I hope there are no residual effects, other than perhaps IF he was bitten again, maybe he would be immune to the poison. I know neither one of you would want to find that out! It's always good to size ourselves up once in awhile and see where we might be lacking, but remember the only perfect person that ever lived was Jesus. We try to do our best and are thankful for God's grace and mercy. My husband had food poisoning one time and I probably could have been more compassionate, but I thought it was just the flu. I would have probably taken him to the emergency room if I had known it was food poisoning. Sending best wishes your way.

Nellie said...

Oh, dear. I fear I may see some of myself in this post.:-( I work every day to improve my responses! My husband is truly deserving of the best I have! xo Nellie

Rugs and Pugs said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have our "moments".
Hugs :)

Country Gal said...

I will be truthful here and not to toot my own horn but I am the opposite I am always concerned about my hubs AKA Papa and what he is going through be it a sore tooth , a injury of some sort of just not feeling well I am always running around looking after him when he isn't well trying my best to make him feel better , when it comes to me I can take care of myself that's were I get selfish lol ! Thanks for being real and sharing this ,we are all human and have our goods and bads of our selves but in the end we all mean well ! Have a good day !

Debbie said...

I read the whole comment ;)

Sara at Come Away With Me said...

Well, you are speaking to me right now, that's for sure! Isn't it wonderful when God works on our hearts like this . . . showing us little by little . . . as much as we can handle . . . just how much needs fixing in our attitudes towards others. He's helping us identify the weeds and get rid of them so the flowers and fruits can grow unhindered. Something to cheer about!

annie said...

Oh Dear Heart, please Do Not be mad or hurt or upset with me, but I have been doing that kind of role for a couple of decades. If anyone deserves that kind of title it is me. I am lots of times, like you described yourself, my Sweetie deserves so much more help than I have ever given him, he should have a big gold medal for living with that drippy water woman quarreling in the big wide room. But I will tell you a couple of things I have learned, you do your best, sometimes your best stinks, but you do it anyway. Sometimes they need a tough coach just to pull themselves up and keep going. Sometimes you weep around behind the door, and act like a shrew to their face, because they have no strength of their own, and they drain you dry of yours. Sometimes, you just suck it up, and fight for them because they are yours, and love is weird. You know you have been ill yourself recently, you have been through a bunch of family stuff in the last couple of years, and you get tired too. Several years ago in pain management, they showed a woman standing over her man lying on the couch trying to sleep, she was shaking a rake at him, and telling him to just get up, and rake the blank blank leaves. He just laid there like a slug, while she was ready to tear out her hair. I have never forgotten that film. It still speaks volumes to me, but Darlin' when necessary, just get out the blank blank rake, and have at it. I have learned that men do need their wives on so many levels, no wonder we were created to help, because we art equipped to in lots of ways. Just be nice to yourself, and let up, you did your best, and believe it or not, he is a probably a much better man because you did. Shock and trauma got hand in hand, just like husbands and wives do. God created you to help, but Darlin', He knew when He did that you would mess up some great opportunities to exhibit His finesse. He also knew that you are one classy lady, and that your love will fill you with so much compassion, mercy, and strength that you can press on,and make it. Hugs, and prayers from one in the trenches, just like you, we just do our best, and we were created to bring God pleasure even in our frailties. He's most likely smiling down at you even this very minute!

Kathy ... aka Nana said...

Kim, thanks for being honest and real, but I think that by now you've figured out that you are not the only one to have messed up in your relationship with your hubby. We *all* have at one time or another (or several times like me - ahem). We are all works in progress (although sometimes it seems like that progress is going sooo slowly). What we all need to do is to dust ourselves off and to learn from our mistakes and to try to do better ... something you're already doing. {{{hug}}}

Coloring Outside the Lines said...

Not shocking to me all, because I know from experience what fear does to us, and also what knowing how our husbands can sop up more gravy with a summer cold that we will get out of a ten day flu bug- so to speak. Don't be hard on yourself !! What study are you doing- I've got two going right now, but I'm always looking for new ones to add to my list.

Unknown said...

WOw... This so powerful. Your honesty and encouragement. And, that quote. There is so much to think about with this post. Thank you for following what God put on your heart.


Kerin said...

Living with someone 24~7 has it's challenges. Sometimes it's easy to get short tempered.
I know that you are grateful for your husband, and for all that he does for you.
Love is the answer.... it always is :)


Empty Nester said...

You know how much of a caretaker I am NOT. I am so grateful for those who are but it's just not me. When this man had that tank explode on him last May, I didn't help him hardly any at all. I didn't even take him to the burn facility appointments. He had to get a friend to do that. Some of it is because I have this (totally irrational) fear about driving in certain areas but the rest was I simply did not want to be inconvenienced. It was my summer break. I wasn't much better when my mother had her gall bladder surgery nor recently when she took a fall on her face. It's a good thing my brother is next door to her and not me.