Finding Quietness In December

One of the things about December is I can get so caught up in the rush and bustle and all of the good things that have to be done. I forget the important things. The places that give me the strength and peace to make this a nice holiday and not one filled with stress and worry. I must find places in my day to find quietness. No computer, no music, just the quietness and peace. Even if it is only five minutes. To make myself a cup of tea, to sit and watch the leaves fall from the trees. To sit quietly and offer up prayers for those I know and love. To reflect on the faithfulness of the Father. To see the difference that one short year makes.

Last year in 2012, the road ahead and all I could see was change and hardness. My life, I thought was so full of change, I doubted if I had the strength to do what I knew was being asked of me. Today I am so thankful for it. Last year was out of my control. I tried every thing in the world. You will laugh, but I made every bargain I could with God. I was like that old Keds commercial,  I made promises to God that I would run faster, jump higher and do more impossible things if only He would answer my prayer the way I was begging Him to do. He said loudly and over and over, " No." Firmly sometimes, accompanied with, " My thoughts are not your thoughts nor are my ways your ways, My ways are higher than your ways  as are the heavens are above the earth."

 

I would read things like this, " Let's never forget that some of His greatest mercies are His refusals. He says no in order that He may, in some way we cannot imagine, say yes. All His ways with us are merciful. His meaning is love." ( Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart, p.119)

This Christmas season, after a year of change, in every area of my life. I am thankful for the consistency of God and His unchanging love that never once let me go, though there were many times I wanted Him to make it all go away. He taught me that He doesn't do these things because He hated me but because of His love that is unfailing.

One thing that I think colors my life, the year I was 10 years old, my mother gave us this incredible Christmas. She brought cupcakes to our home room on the last day of school before Christmas vacation. She was so beautiful, and her laughter was so warming. Even the teacher seemed so mesmerized by her. The kids in the class room watched her and would ask me, " Is that your Mom?" I would smile and they all said the same thing, " You are so lucky." She took us shopping after school, and then she bought decorations and we made paper chains and our house in my 10 year old eyes was more beautiful than it had been ever before.

 

 By the next Christmas she was gone. Our house was cold and dark. I had my grand mother take me to the store and I bought the same decorations as she had the year before. I decorated as she had done, I tried so hard to capture what I had lost. That year, it rained and rained and the house was cold and dark. My brother was eight, my sister six and I was eleven. I remember watching the rain, alone, as my Dad went to spend Christmas with his new girl friend and her family.

 

The next Christmas, I would have three step brothers and a new step mother. Life changed so much. For years, do you know how people would say God Doesn't make mistakes, well in my mind, He did, I would say, " God you took the wrong one." As I saw it we could have done just fine if God had taken my Dad.

I spent years, and when I finally came to the conclusion, God doesn't make mistakes, all things that God allowed, were Father filtered. He allowed those things to make me who I am today.  No matter how bad life gets, God never allows anything but what is good and perfect and a gift. Because in the midst of the hard things, there as a secret lining is joy that can not be contained. Like this year. Every where I turn is joy and laughter and blessing. I am so thankful for every single bit that I have been given. Without the clouds, there would be  no rain. Without rain nothing grows. I am so thankful for the rain and how when God promises that
He will never, never, never, never, never, leave us or forsake us, He doesn't. He has wonderful surprises in store.

Have a wonderful day. I know this is long, but it is my Christmas story for this year. For me this year is a miracle. It has been the best of years. I am so thankful.

`Kim~