Sunday, July 28, 2013

Last Sunday In July

If I had my druthers I would be here. Instead I am here at home in front of the computer. Listening to the sound of the computer humming quietly at my side. I need to be outside watering my garden, and taking care of the chickens.

I have been thinking about my lack of faith and my lack of trust. I told my husband that so often my walk with God is like a person being water-boarded. Sometimes I feel like God has me by the scruff of the neck and He holds my head underwater until I bubble and then brings me up again to submerge me once again and finally, in weakness I give up.

Today as I was searching for an answer that I need to have and wanting to run away. I found this:

" Our perspective is so limited. We keep forgetting that God's love does not show itself only in protection from suffering. It is of a different nature altogether. His love does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands firm in the teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His Son from death on a cross. That was proof of His love, through "legions of angels" might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us---not from anything it takes to make us like Jesus. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go  into the process. Through it all we learn to trust Him in every little thing."
(Be Still My Soul---Elisabeth Elliot p.34)

I think of anything it is my own cowardice that causes me to shrink back. My own will that wants what I want right now and not waiting to see the beauty that will unfold if I will just trust and obey. To enjoy the journey instead of running ahead. I think the worst part of pain though, is playing the" what if game." I think that makes any trial worse than the actual trial. God is trying to teach me something. Trying to correct a flaw in the core of my nature and character. I am afraid. I must stop the "what if's" and face the enemy and like always before I will find the lion has no teeth.

And though I might wish I were here. The real fact is I am not and I must conquer what lies in me and be what I should be instead of the coward that I am.

Have a lovely Sunday and I will look for all of the joys I can find. Like my two year old grand daughter finding a downy feather in the grass and taking it to her Mother and saying, " Look, Mom, a butterfly leaf."
Joy is found in the little things the come in upon us in the dark.



Kessie said...

This is such a nice reminder. I'm dealing with my pride-- my old enemy. But as soon as I confronted it this week and confessed it, God blessed me. I miss you and hope we can Skype soon!

Patrice said...

I think all Christians struggle with these things sometimes. I am noticing more that Satan doesn't want us close to our Savior. When I start to struggle too much, I tell him to go away. I tell him that I belong to Jesus. It always calms me and makes my path straight again. He never promised it would be easy, but He promised He'd be there for us. I love the Elizabeth Elliot that you quoted. Is there a particular book of hers that you would recommend? I know you mention her often and I always like what you post from her.

I have been SO busy and life has been SO crazy. I feel like a terrible friend. I'm still here and I still care. You Skype? Kessie mentioned that. I think it would be fun. I need to get a little webcam for my laptop, so I don't have to keep bothering my daughter for her laptop to Skype. I think she got really sick of loaning it to me when my oldest was in England last month. Pesty old mom!!! Have a good Sunday. Send me an email when you get a chance. I cannot find you email address.

Julia said...

Dear Kim, I'm sorry that you are feeling some desolations today but it won't last. Next will come consolations.

My husband left the Sunday paper on the kitchen counter last evening and it was opened to this article by Ron Rolheiser for me to read. It was entitled "Why faith feels like doubt and darkness".

It was a long article and these are just a few excerpts....
He goes on to say that God is ineffable. God cannot be captured in thoughts, imagination and word. Any concepts we have of God are inadequate. God is beyond what we can think, speak or imagine.

Because we cannot grasp that God is ineffable, we confuse faith with imagination....We feel that we have faith precisely to the extent that we can imagine God's existence and God's person. Conversely, we feel we are in doubt and agnostic when we cannot imagine these and so we naively identify faith with the capacity to create the right imaginative fantasies and feelings about God and vice versa.

All I know from his creation of all that is seen and unseen, our God is an awesome God and he loves us unconditionally more that we can ever love.

Your flowers are beautiful and speaks of God's love for you.

Mary Ann said...

It's so true... and your granddaughter... you will always treasure her calling the feather "the butterfly leaf"...

Pom Pom said...

You have the dearest heart. You have all the qualities I cherish in a friend. I am so happy that YOU are MY friend!

TexWisGirl said...

oh, the butterfly leaf is precious!!!

i cannot stop myself from worrying and wishing - some days are worse than others.

Miss Debbie said...

Powerful post. The comforting thing is that in the midst of the tragedy and suffering, He is with us. I am thankful for that truth, too!

annie said...

Hugs, so much of the grief we bear, I think, is the struggle within us to just trust Him and then go forward. the what ifs can swamp me if I am not careful. thanking Him sometimes just for being able to throw Him my baskets of questions, and not worry if He doesn't answer them all, just Him catching them should be enough for me.....,,,,,,. said...

You know how I also love Elizabeh Elliott, what a good thought she shared here. I am beginning to see that our faith and what if struggles, are part of how He teaches us. They never get us anywhere except right back to the only one who can solve them. I sometimes wish I had a quicker learning curve though.

He's got it, Kim... all of it, yours mine and all of ours. What a hope!

The reason we all relate to this, is because we all struggle, some times more than others, but life is going to continue to provide plenty of circumstances that drive us right back to Jesus, right where we belong. :)


camp and cottage living said...

I am having a hard time with the what ifs right now too, Kim.
I'm praying for more trust. It does help to remember all of the times in the past that the Lord has delivered me or walked through the trials with me.
Thanks for sharing what was on your heart today.

Kim said...

We all have these days where we feel we are fighting against the tide. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you. Take a walk in the garden, chat with the chickens and breathe.

Nancy said...

Until He takes us home, we will be His kids and kids have things to learn. Unfortunately, learning usually entails trails and tribulations of which we don't like...I feel as sisters in the Lord, we lift each other up when one is down and vice versa. You have encouraged me so many times over the past couple of years as I have been in "learning" circumstances and I want to do the same for you... Please know I am praying for you and I will also rejoice with you when the sun is shining again for you....Like Kim suggested, go talk to the chickens and I bet God will have them make you smile...

Debbie said...

oh kim, have faith in yourself!! do that and everything else will fall into place. all will be peaceful and right!! xo