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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Finding Quietness In December

One of the things about December is I can get so caught up in the rush and bustle and all of the good things that have to be done. I forget the important things. The places that give me the strength and peace to make this a nice holiday and not one filled with stress and worry. I must find places in my day to find quietness. No computer, no music, just the quietness and peace. Even if it is only five minutes. To make myself a cup of tea, to sit and watch the leaves fall from the trees. To sit quietly and offer up prayers for those I know and love. To reflect on the faithfulness of the Father. To see the difference that one short year makes.

Last year in 2012, the road ahead and all I could see was change and hardness. My life, I thought was so full of change, I doubted if I had the strength to do what I knew was being asked of me. Today I am so thankful for it. Last year was out of my control. I tried every thing in the world. You will laugh, but I made every bargain I could with God. I was like that old Keds commercial,  I made promises to God that I would run faster, jump higher and do more impossible things if only He would answer my prayer the way I was begging Him to do. He said loudly and over and over, " No." Firmly sometimes, accompanied with, " My thoughts are not your thoughts nor are my ways your ways, My ways are higher than your ways  as are the heavens are above the earth."


I would read things like this, " Let's never forget that some of His greatest mercies are His refusals. He says no in order that He may, in some way we cannot imagine, say yes. All His ways with us are merciful. His meaning is love." ( Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart, p.119)

This Christmas season, after a year of change, in every area of my life. I am thankful for the consistency of God and His unchanging love that never once let me go, though there were many times I wanted Him to make it all go away. He taught me that He doesn't do these things because He hated me but because of His love that is unfailing.

One thing that I think colors my life, the year I was 10 years old, my mother gave us this incredible Christmas. She brought cupcakes to our home room on the last day of school before Christmas vacation. She was so beautiful, and her laughter was so warming. Even the teacher seemed so mesmerized by her. The kids in the class room watched her and would ask me, " Is that your Mom?" I would smile and they all said the same thing, " You are so lucky." She took us shopping after school, and then she bought decorations and we made paper chains and our house in my 10 year old eyes was more beautiful than it had been ever before.


 By the next Christmas she was gone. Our house was cold and dark. I had my grand mother take me to the store and I bought the same decorations as she had the year before. I decorated as she had done, I tried so hard to capture what I had lost. That year, it rained and rained and the house was cold and dark. My brother was eight, my sister six and I was eleven. I remember watching the rain, alone, as my Dad went to spend Christmas with his new girl friend and her family.


The next Christmas, I would have three step brothers and a new step mother. Life changed so much. For years, do you know how people would say God Doesn't make mistakes, well in my mind, He did, I would say, " God you took the wrong one." As I saw it we could have done just fine if God had taken my Dad.

I spent years, and when I finally came to the conclusion, God doesn't make mistakes, all things that God allowed, were Father filtered. He allowed those things to make me who I am today.  No matter how bad life gets, God never allows anything but what is good and perfect and a gift. Because in the midst of the hard things, there as a secret lining is joy that can not be contained. Like this year. Every where I turn is joy and laughter and blessing. I am so thankful for every single bit that I have been given. Without the clouds, there would be  no rain. Without rain nothing grows. I am so thankful for the rain and how when God promises that
He will never, never, never, never, never, leave us or forsake us, He doesn't. He has wonderful surprises in store.

Have a wonderful day. I know this is long, but it is my Christmas story for this year. For me this year is a miracle. It has been the best of years. I am so thankful.

`Kim~

16 comments:

  1. i cannot imagine the pain and pressure you felt from 10 to 11 yrs old... so glad you found more love after your loss.

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  2. Every word you write. Every. Single. Word. You write. Goes straight to my heart. xo

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  3. A great post today and I know that you have had some real trauma growing up without your biological mother. Loosing your mom as 11 ,just when you are getting ready for the adolescent stage in your life must have been unimaginable.

    You are right about God always being near and never leaving us. He always answer our prayers but in God's unchanging ways, not our ways. It's a good thing because the way I see it, we soon would become ungrateful.

    Suffering is what makes us strong. Knowing that God is always present and loves us gives us strength and hope.

    May the rest of December be a wonderful gift from God, because it is.
    Hugs & love,
    JB

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  4. I'm glad you found enough quietness and time to be able to write this testimony to God's faithfulness. Only God can work all our pain and suffering for good. I don't know that that changes the reality of evil into something good in itself, but He does bring healing, and we don't suffer as those who have no hope. We can make use of our suffering for the sake of His Kingdom. Praise God that He is giving you a lot of joy currently so that you can write about the pain from that perspective. I am glad to know about your childhood. The story of your mother in the classroom so clearly illustrates what you lost -- we pray only for a short time!

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  5. I can feel that 11 year old girl's hurting heart, as the rain fell. You said it so well here Kim, that none of it is without the full knowledge of our loving Father. He does work all for our good. It can sure hurt sometimes in the process though...

    And now, there you are with a house full of love and laughter, ready to celebrate the best gift of all. I love it!!

    Maybe you will make Christmas garlands of pure gold with your mom one of these days. :)

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  6. What an amazing Christmas Story you have shared.
    I am speechless.
    This story you have shared may touch others in ways you cannot imagine.
    Merry Christmas to you.
    Rose

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  7. oh kim, i don't know what to say. you are so very lucky to have the warm memories that you do have. i'm sure the pain of loosing mom will be with you forever.

    make this christmas season what you want it to be kim. try to enjoy every single second!!

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  8. Your words are both stunning & blessed. All I can say is "thank you!"

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  9. Oh Kim, what a work of grace He has wrought. Thank you for your strength and acknowledgement of God's wisdom.
    Have a wonderful Christmas!

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  10. I'm so glad you shared the story of the two Christmases. My heart breaks for that eleven year old Kim. Bless you for how you've covered your children with amazing love.

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  11. Bless you, Kim, for how you have overcome the sadness you remember from your childhood. Hugs. xo Nellie

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  12. Kim,
    I thank you for pouring your heart out and telling us the story of your childhood. I could feel your emotions as I read your words.
    Thank you for sharing your testimony as well.
    It is hard to remember that we need to wait for the Lord's timing sometimes, not necessarily our timing.
    While we are praying for one thing, someone else could be praying for the opposite thing, and we need to continue in faith, and trust in the Lord's timing.

    I am so happy for you that you have been faithful, and that you are enjoying peace and happiness.

    This is a wonderful time of year, and we are so blessed.
    May we find the quiet time in each day to reflect upon our blessings. May we also find time in each day to serve each other.

    Warm wishes, my friend.
    Kerin

    P.S. My father once prayed for 17 years for a thing. It took 17 years for him to have his prayer answered the way that he thought it should be answered. He never lost faith, and continued to trust in the Lord.

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  13. What a tremendous testimony. The fact that we don't think we see God's hand at work doesn't mean that He has turned His back on us ... you've shown us the blessings that come to us if we keep our eyes on Him even when it's obvious that our plans aren't the same as His.

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  14. I love this blogpost. I've been having to kick back a lot lately--you do that a lot with a new baby! I've been contemplating this past year, and I'm still boggled by how good this December is, compared to last year. I know we're right in God's will. It's all so wonderful and I'm thankful every single day. :-)

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  15. Oh Kim I am having trouble with my blog list and I almost missed this! My heart just aches for that little 11 year old you...how hard that had to have been. And yet when you see the woman you have become you can just see the work of our God. He does use those hard, hard things to help change and mold us into what He wants us to be. How blessed you are to be molded by Him. HUGS to you!

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  16. Kim, this is such a meaningfully post to me. I wish that I had been older so that Momma could have brought cupcakes to my room that year. You are so blessed. I am blessed by your memories of her. I found the pictures of both of those Christmases in October and have them framed. Would you like to have me scan the ones from the first Christmas and send them to you? I also found some pictures that are in color that were taken at a photography studio before I was born of you and Allan and Momma and one of Momma by herself. I have framed them also. I have them in my kitchen and find myself thanking the Lord for her and for the love she packed into us in that short time. I also feel closer to Jesus when I look on her eyes. I love you my dearest.

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