Friday, July 22, 2016

On The Hamster Wheel.

Do you remember when you were a kid and your Mom would say, " If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Yours didn't? Oh, well, mind did all of the time. I would today say the same thing about using the key board to write a blog. I feel like my life is and has been a giant hamster wheel. I can't get off either.

Every day, there is dust, and noise and men. The tractors go up and down the road from 5:30 in the morning until 6:00 in the evening. Yesterday they had that roller thing going up and down the road all day. My house vibrated, my key board vibrated. So did my body. When I leave the house, I am afraid I won't get back. When I stay home I think I will go crazy. Yesterday the trash man came, and I wanted to fall down and worship. Its funny how things like this narrow my vision. Today they are turning off our water. They have to move the fire hydrants. They have turned off the electricity. As I thought about it this morning. I think its good every in a while to view life, by doing without.

Knowing I was going to be without water today, I had to wash the dog. I also had to wash every sheet, pillow case and rug. Not to mention every bit of dirty laundry I could find. Its only going to be until 3:00 but you would think the way I carry on its the end of the world. Never mind I have a 30,000 gallon swimming pool out there in the back yard full of water. I have become such a whiner and a sissy. It drives me nuts. I just can't seem to get a handle on it and I can't figure out why. So I turned to my friend the late Elisabeth Elliot for a good tail kicking. She did too.

I do love listening to her. She is here if you want to down load her messages. So this is what I learned.
I like my life to be well ordered. I like to live with the illusion that I am in control. Therefore when things get out of my control, I completely fall apart. I can't even hook a rug. Being creative? What is that?
In order to get my mail, I have to go to this funny post office annex and stand with a bunch of other people and wait for this lady who takes her time doing her job. I was happy one day to watch a sweet two year old try and step on a beetle with his sweet little red shoes. He wasn't heavy enough to kill the bug, but it provided me and him with what felt like hours of enjoyment.

Elisabeth Elliot said the other day, " What trial does God have you in the midst of right now." Then she went on to say, " The first thing that popped into you mind is what God is allowing in your life today." My thought was the road. Then she said, " God says, will you trust me? Will you give this to Me."

I feel like I have lost my humor, and my joy in living. Elisabeth Elliot when on to quote a poem by Amy Carmichael.
"These Strange Ashes, Lord?"

But these strange ashes, Lord, this nothingness,

This baffling sense of loss?

Son, was the anguish of my stripping less

Upon the torturing cross?

Was I not brought into the dust of death,

A worm and no man, I;

Yea, turned to ashes by the vehement breath

Of fire, on Calvary?

O Son beloved, this is thy heart’s desire:

This, and no other thing

Follows the fall of Consuming Fire

On the burnt offering.

Go on and taste the joy set high, afar –

No joy like that to thee;

See how it lights the way like some great star.

Come now, and follow Me.

– Amy Carmichael

 I think how in the world could something like this, which on one hand is NO BIG DEAL! When the terrible, horrible stuff is going on in the world. It shames me to my core. I have become so self-centered and selfish and as petty as can be. So as I said, earlier, this has caused me to think about how going without is a good thing because it shows to me the serious cracks that are in my character. So it is a good thing to be reminded of how much I have, how much I have been given and how blessed I am.

So today on this hamster wheel of life, I am going to have a happy face because its Friday and hopefully, they won't work this weekend!!

Have a lovely weekend.


“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”

Julian of Norwich


NanaNor's said...

Dear Kim, I understand the many frustrations you are going through. I know that you will get through them. I love Elizabeth's wisdom, which comes straight from the Word. I have a shirt that I wear that says Choose Contentment-sometimes I wear it just so I don't whine. Hang in there friend!

Pom Pom said...

I love the Julian of Norwich quote so much.
It sounds (the whole road thing) like an extremely frustrating interruption. I can understand how you must feel so scattered. Praying for happy peace over the weekend, Kim!

Empty Nester said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. Shoot, I AM there. Though I will say that the arrival of Baby M has calmed me a bit. But I agree that having to do without, while annoying as all get-out, is a good thing and we should have to deal with it from time to time. But please, not in the summer when people stink and need to shower and the AC has to be on or I'll DIE! LOL Seriously, the words that come to mind when I think of you, dear friend, are kind, positive, thoughtful, caring, sweet, talented, creative... Just ask my family. They know exactly how I feel about my California friend, Kim. :)

Christine said...

Dear Kim, I wish I could give you a real hug right now! It sounds like torture but you're right to trust even in this situation & know He does all things well even for you!
That poem by
Carmichael is profound & I must keep it. She grew up not far from here & I am trying to read some of her thoughts after she went to India.

Catsngrams said...

What an amazing post. My heart goes out to you. I am also a control person. When I feel like whining I remember my ancestors and all the thing I have that they went without and I realize how blessed I am. I may not be rich in monetary things but I am rich in love and blessings. Great post hang in there

TexWisGirl said...

i know you feel invaded and disturbed. this too shall pass...

Kessie said...

I know how you feel! That was us when they were painting the buildings around here. It was hugely annoying and invasive. We still have workmen and noise around here all the time, it's just at a lower level. And to think, we barely saw anybody around here at all when we moved in.

Hopefully they'll be done soon! I suppose you could always grab one of the guys and ask what their timeline is for finishing the road.

Julia said...

Dear Kim, sorry this road building is getting on your nerves...
It's all a matter of perspective I guess.
For example when my daughter Christine and her family went to NY for a wedding recently, she had reserved a hotel that was conveniently located to the wedding. It was rated as compact but clean and the only complaint the people seemed to have was that their window looked into the boring train yard. This was a winning point for James and Daniel. They couldn't have had a better front row seat to watch all the goings on while at the hotel. To them it was like watching Thomas and friends in action. They LOVE big machinery, trucks and trains and heavy equipment at work. They thought it was the greatest hotel.

Guys love to watch those big equipments at work. Those guys and sometimes girls working on those big equipments have to make a living. Some are God fearing and others not so much but to them, it's all in a days work.

Renovations in a home is kind of the same, so much disruption but in the end hopefully, it will be better than before.

It's good that you can centre yourself with Elisabeth Elliot.
We have so much road construction and infrastructure renovations in our city this summer, it's a headache each time we have to go to town, no matter in which part of the city we go to. Detours and detours.

Hope it will soon be all finished.


GretchenJoanna said...

Your post reminds me of how I felt when our whole downstairs was being remodeled and I was without a kitchen, and even once without a bed - like I was homeless and homesick in my own house. May it be a short trial, and won't the quiet sound beautiful when they are done!

peggy said...

who wouldn't feel frustrated! They are working on the street next to our park and every day we sit there and think of how those residents must feel. One day, even their cars were blocked in. I did love the poem and quotes. Just think how wonderful it is going to be when they finish.

Rugs and Pugs said...

I hope the road project progresses quickly, but projects of that magnitude seem to take forever. It's not easy living in chaos. I don't handle it well either. Hang in there...and hopefully they won't be working this weekend.
Hugs :)

Larkrise garden girl said...

This month with eye surgery where I can't bend down it is the simple things of life you take for granted that changes your world.
I felt so off balanced by one eye good and one eye still needing surgery. I was so frustrated and yet like you I saw where I needed to be thankful and think again change my attitude. I love your wise words. Hugs cheri

Unknown said...

Well, the good news is you're not losing any of your easement!! You don't have to move your fence or anything, so that is good! I wish it wasn't taking so long though, it's a mess. I would be just as crazy about it as you. I drove by yesterday and just couldn't believe it. (I was also slightly annoyed that they screwed up my route to Lassens, so you're not the only one who's mad about it haha.)

Kerin said...

It's hard for all of us to have to get out of our comfort zones :)
We are just human, after all.... though we are trying each day to be a bit better.
Hang in there and know that we all feel about the same way when our routine gets a giant kink in it...**heehee**. Happy to read that you found the little boy so cute and entertaining.


Ida said...

I think I can relate although no street work is being done on our street right now but there is a ton of it all over town and every time you go somewhere you are having to take a Detour to get to where you want. It's frustrating but like you said in the Grand Scheme of life it's a pretty "petty" thing to be annoyed over. This was an well written post with a very good point.

Debbie said...

oooh kim, i so totally get it. i know, first hand, how messy and unnerving this work can be. i like order and my routine, when i don't have it, i have trouble concentrating.

we have been doing a lot of exterior work on our house, and some inside. i find myself to be so unsettled. i also told chuck that if one more man poops in my toilet and sticks up the house i am moving out. these contractors, especially my painters should provide a porta potty for their employees.

i had all the glass replaced in my "green house", it's a big one and they shattered the last piece of glass as it was going in. they don't stock it, they have to order it, that takes 4 weeks, ugh!!!!!! and they were slobs!!!!

Debbie said...

** stinks **

Gumbo Lily said...

Like Gretchen said, the quiet and calm will be so beautiful when it's all over. I think sometimes we must go through such things so we can again be thankful for the many, many blessings we have day-to-day.

Debbie said...

OH Kim I can only just imagine your frustration, and honestly I just know for a fact that I would be right there with you whining if I had to endure such a thing. Actually, I am sure I'd be much worse. Sometimes it scares me as I have turned into a crabby old woman some days. It's true to go without to appreciate what we have is a good thing, but no electricity would mean NO AIR and honestly I am not sure I could endure it, lol. But you know it will pass. It will become a distant memory [granted not a good one!lol] and life will once again be how you know it. Praying it goes quickly for you!