October

October

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Just Thinking

All flowers in this post are from last year.
I have been AWOL from blogging for a while. Have you noticed that if you aren't blogging every week, it gets easier to just not blog? That is how it is for me right now. Also I am having that malady that Thumper was warned about in Bambi, the movie not the book. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.


 I am going to write about something today that is on my heart. When I was little and I would play,"When I grow up" I loved playing house. I loved cleaning and arranging and my favorite things to play with were stuffed animals and Raggedy Ann and Andy. I did have fleeting ideas of growing up and being a mother. Then when I did grow up and began this lovely part of my life as a mother. I can tell you the one thought I never had in my whole life was that I would be a mother-in-law. Not a single one! Ever!


I remember the morning when it dawned on me. I was one. There aren't too many books written on that.
I realized that I had two choices, I could be a good mother in law, like my grandmother was to my Dad. Or I could be one like Agnes Moorehead in Bewitched. I pondered that.


I am now a mother-in-law four times over. Here is the best advice I can give to those of you have not entered into this phase of your life. It isn't hard I don't think, it is just a matter of choice. Be nice.
Don't give advice until asked. Bite your tongue off if you have to. Love your new family member with your whole heart. See only the good and keep your eyes firmly shut to the things you don't. But most of all.
Love them, and love them and love them some more. Do not tell the mate the shortcomings of the other one.
Its their life, a new family. They will do things different from you. ITS OKAY!  They are learning and growing and trying new things.

When you get your feelings hurt, and you will. Go into your shower and cry your eyes out, and put on an happy face and forgive. Open your hands and don't hang on to your child that is now a man or a woman. They are grown up and they need to be treated as such, not a child any longer. Most importantly, the person God has brought into your family is a gift. They are a gift to your son or daughter and they are a gift to your family. Treat them as that, not as a enemy who has stolen your child.


I can tell you from experience now. It is so much easier for me to act like a A** That just comes natural to me. Being nice on the other hand is not. I make mistakes, and say things I shouldn't. Most of the things I stumble at are when I stop taking my own advice. Just ask Kessie and Ryan at Thanksgiving. My Mom part was in overdrive. I did and said things I shouldn't just because I was like a Momma Bear. When my girls have babies, I get pretty bossy. The one thing I have found, is my lovely family by marriage, is so forgiving and loving and understanding to me and my foibles.

Well now that I have that off my chest, I will get back to this mundane stuff I do around here. Like I have three rugs I need to get bound.

I hope your day is lovely, thank you for stopping by. I keep learning these things, and I just thought I would share them.

~Kim~

“She turned to the sunlight
    And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
    "Winter is dead.”
― A.A. Milne, When We Were Very Young

19 comments:

  1. Oh my I think you have been living my life! Being a MIL is hard! If only they would let us pick. My DD had her first baby in Jan and it was a bad scene. Yes I was Mama Bear (they call me that too). The baby looks just. like. my. SIL. Can't really love the baby well if I don't do better loving the father. Sigh...um and I have used the phrase about stealing my child. haha Thank you for the encouragement to know I am not alone!

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  2. Good advice and words to the wise :)
    As you know, we've had our shares of 'growing pains' as our family grows.
    It is an adjustment, and not all parties try as they should, which can gum up the process even further. Still kindness counts! It's important to be kind and to be forgiving and to look for the best in others.

    Thanks for this thoughtful post.
    ~K.

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  3. I think you are the best mother in law any girl could ever have! I love you, even when you're being an a**. ;)

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  4. Dear Kim,I am not a mother-in-law yet but, that was good advice and remember sometimes we all give advice that we later think, "should I have said that" ?
    Have a wonderful day. xo Catherine
    I am sure you are a wonderful mother-in-law.

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  5. OK.....Meg's comment is the best!!!

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  6. OH MY GOODNESS can I ever identify with this! Your soo right of course. Nary a thought or a dream went towards being a mother in law. And I never had one as hubby's mom passed away when he was in high school so I really didn't even have personal experience to draw from. It is MUCH MUCH harder then I thought, lol. I only want to bless them and love them and "help' them, and truthfully a couple of my dil's make it REALLY REALLY easy. But the other dil and my only sil, well lets just say it is a REAL challenge. I try and focus on the fact that they both love MY CHILD with their whole hearts, and make both him and her VERY happy. But goodness, my feelings have been stepped on, my advice sneered at, and I wonder sometimes how I have kept that wagging tongue of mine quiet. And as long as I am confessing I will admit that there have been some harbored resentments towards my sil as well for stealing my only daughter away and moving her 1000 miles away from me. But! I do know in my heart as she told me just yesterday, that there is not a single grain of sand doubt in her mind that she is right where God wants her to be. Married to this man, mother to those children, and LIVING right where she does. And there is comfort in that. How happy she is! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way he loves and cares for her and their family. But goodness it's been hard. For some reason I take comfort in the hearing that others struggle too. I am not alone. Loving them, forgiving them, and being kind is exactly what we should be doing. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  7. Good advice Kim, but so hard to do all the time! I admit to giving advice (one time!) to my son in law and it was so totally not appreciated by him OR my daughter. And it really wasn't advice but an offer of help. But I also think the adult children need to see that we MILs are not completely without wisdom and if they can humbly listen even if they don't take the advice-- just be nice about it. I have had a good MIL and one I could not stand!

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  8. We're still coming out to visit, so you didn't mess up too badly!

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  9. awesome advice kim, i read every word and you nailed this one. my boys are not married but i do this with the girlfriends because you never know which one they will pick!!

    my mother in law has never liked me, given tons of advice...tells me how to parent, what to eat, how to love....and she has been divorced for over 40 years!!! i have learned a lot from her, i have learned exactly who i don't want to be!!! i enjoyed kessie's comment!!!

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  10. Excellent advice. I'm a mom-in-law 3 times and I really love my new family members. Knowing when to be silent is sometimes hard for me, but I know it is always for the best.

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  11. Some good advice for us who aren't yet in laws . Thanks for sharing , Lovely photos .Have a good week !

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  12. I understand. Right there with you only I'm having a hard time being nice.

    Blessings.

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  13. I'm not there yet, but I pray that when the time comes that I can be kind and gracious. My parents and my in laws have been good examples, and I hope we can be the same.

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  14. Aw, Meg is dear! And honest!
    You're a mama through and through. A blessing to your inlaws I am sure of it.

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  15. I know exactly what you are talking about..I have the hardest time keeping my mouth shut because I always think I know best. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have said the wrong thing, and then deeply regretted it. I'm a work in progress, that's for sure.

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  16. This is supper advice, Kim. Sure not easy to accomplish at all times, but definitely a desired standard!

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  17. Great advice (not always easy to practice) & many lovely photos here.

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  18. That is wonderful advice but so hard. Our natural reactions is to give advice but our grown kids have to live their own lives. Keeping our mouths shut is so true. That's why its great to have another friend who has grandkids about the same age. Thank God.

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