July

July

Monday, April 29, 2013

Running Toward May

My birthday is this week. EEK!!! My age equals ten when you add the two numbers together. How can I be this old, well I am not yet, not until Thursday. Double number years have been epic years in my life so this one is no exception. Not a fan of birthdays, nor Mothers Day. Nor any of those things. When my step mother said the year I turned 12 when she found me crying on our front porch. ( I was crying because I missed my birth Mom so much.) She assumed I was crying because I didn't get a present I wanted. " She said, " Kim the sooner you learn the world does not revolve around you the happier you will be."

I keep trying to learn that, to think of others more highly than myself, too walk a mile in someone elses  shoes before I judge and keep trying to pull that enormous log out of my eye before I try to see that little splinter in my brother's eye. Every year after  I got married, my Dad would call on my birthday to remind me that, I was born on the hottest May ever. The store he worked in was having a grand opening. I was six week premature. So he had to leave to take my Mom to the hospital. Then I was born so tiny that they had to go home and leave me there. Then there was the bill for me. It was 268 dollars. He said, my Mom was crying because she didn't know where they would get that much money to pay for me. My Dad was a gambler. He had been gambling some where and he said, "I had exactly 268 dollars hid in his wallet from my Mom". Then he would say, " You cost me every single penny I had to get you out of the hospital and you have been costing me ever since."  Then he would laugh.


Every single year. Until he died. Now I hear it in my head every time my birthday comes around. I hate my birthday. This year, I am going shopping and out to dinner and I am going to laugh and be happy and not work. This year, I have made up my mind I am going to have fun and eat birthday cake and blow out candles. It is time to stop the sad things that haunt me and be happy because I have such wonderful people in my life.

So this year, I will be...but one thing I do , forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before. ( Philippians 3:13)

All of us are on a journey and as I let go of the old things, I will keep pressing on toward the new things. Life is way to short to be living in the past.

Laughter is easier than tears. Thank you for reading along.
Have a lovely Monday,
~Kim~

24 comments:

  1. well, happy early birthday to you... double nickel?

    ReplyDelete
  2. pretty blooms!! i love my birthday "month"!! happy birthday girlfriend!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. We are still in the midst of birthday observances around here with still others in this month!

    We have always had joyous birthday celebrations. I am so happy to be able to celebrate my birthday at this age!

    You have some lovely blooms in these pictures.

    Sending along wishes for a great birthday occasion for you, Kim. Your birthday is the most important day in your life!

    xo Nellie

    ReplyDelete
  4. coming out of the shadows just to say hello, and that I appreciate the fact that you are moving forward. Thanks for that! My birthday is coming up too; I have mixed feelings :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. First let me say Happy Birthday God says you are His favorite one and you are wonderfully made. Remember when we dwell on these hurtful memories we are still giving those individuals control over our lives. Paul says to take our thoughts captive . This is a battle I face daily but I know God uses all the good ,bad and ugly to create you into the beautiful person you are. Your blog is an inspiration to so many women daily! Shalom

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's funny isn't it the power a remark (either insensitive or wonderful) can have on us for years and years? Your step mom misreading your tears and your heart is really soo sad. And yet your so right. Letting go of what is behind us, and stretching for what lies ahead is truly the key sometimes. Happy birthday to you!! And I say celebrate! With cake, candles, family and good times! 55 is really pretty young in my opinion. I will be the big 59 this year...the count down year, haha. Enjoy your day!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your dad's story made me cry. How strong those memories remain in our hearts. I know he was glad he had the exact amount to pay for you! :)

    Happy happy birthday Kim!! I hope this one is different, and especially fun... go eat cake!!!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Happy Birthday in advance Sweet Kim. The day that God chose for you to be born was the hottest because you were the hottest, ha,ha,ha. And to your husband, I'm sure you still are the hottest...

    You have been chosen to be born in that family while on your earthly journey that has been full of wonderful adventures and some sad one too. It's all part of who you are. I wonder if we would be different if we knew how many days we have left on our earthly journey.

    When I thought that I was dying, I really, really enjoyed every little things in nature and my grandkids and places, events and things had a new meaning. Even though I've experienced all that, I still find myself on a pity party all by myself quite often. God must be laughing at me. How soon Julia forgets, ha,ha,ha.

    The sad time that is gone and done with and will only stay with you if you chose to acknowledge it's presence still. Our journey is not always what we had expected. It's plain hard no matter how we look at it.

    I hope that you enjoy your 50th birthday as if Jesus was present because He really is present. ( I hope that I got the years right..."

    I often choose to ignore my birthday until the kids reminds me. I'll be 67 in November. Now I really find that I'm getting old faster and it takes me lot longer to do my work.

    Have a great week and I'm keeping Kessie and family in my prayers.
    Hugs & love

    JB

    ReplyDelete
  9. I read a quote somewhere that we should enjoy our birthdays and getting older because it is a priveledge denied to many. I hope your birthday is wonderful! Eat cake! Jean

    ReplyDelete
  10. There are many things I would tell you if we were friends sitting under a tree together and I heard this pack of memories...and then again maybe no words are needed because you know the ultimate and important things so you will,have and are traversing the tender painful ground you of bare feet describe so well...

    Bigger and happier birth to you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Happy happy birthday to you, Kim! I can't believe you're going to be 82...it does, after all, add up to "10"! Oh...That was fun! :) I hope you're laughing, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well Kim, Happy Birthday! I am so glad your dad had enough to pay for you. You are a treasure to us out here in blogville, and at home, I know. Happy 73rd birthday (teasing you) That's a 10! Blessings.

    Such stories we all carry around.
    Today I got call from my doctor's office, for a bill I had already paid. A lab company had billed me again for lab costs, and since I have medicare I have to pay this big expense from March 23, back to them.

    Well, I could get a medicare card, if I were eligible for, which I am not.

    But the card will only cover family planning, which I don't need (duh). Have you ever explained (patiently) to a stranger on the phone how you are over 50, and can get family planning, but nothing else on a medicare card? Which you don't have, while she puts this in your permanent record, repeating every word back to you that you said to her? I am old enough to be a granny. Family Planning Indeed! Yes, this is real I tried to keep a straight face, but could not. It was a verry loonngg call. This was a big portion of my afternoon today. hAppY MonDAy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just don't answer the phone on your birthday and everything will be fine! German chocolate cake, or something less migraine inducing? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh how a remake stays with us....Happy Birthday to you for your up coming Day...Mine is today, so far ok....:) Francine.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I have a May birthday. I also hate Mother's Day and my birthday. They are just not good days for me. This post hit home. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Interesting, I was just remembering today something my MIL did and said about 34 years ago that was hurtful. Amazing how those things stay with us. Even if we've forgiven them, the memory remains. I would think the Lord does not approve of gambling, but I KNOW we can't put Him in a box. He can use anything or anybody to do His will!. So, there is no doubt in my mind that He put that money in your Dad's wallet! I hope you will enjoy your birthday. Remember how special your own children's birthdays were and imagine how happy your mom was the day you were born!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. How did May sneak up on me?? Needless to say, your birthday card will be arriving late......sigh! I'm so disorganized lately :(

    ReplyDelete
  18. I want you to close your eyes and pretend that my arms are reaching through the computer and giving you the biggest hug ever......I know from personal experience that words like these hurt but I am so proud of you that you are overcoming and determined to enjoy this birthday because you deserve and you are special....

    Remember from the movie "Help"
    "you is smart"
    "you is kind"
    "you is beautiful"

    and you are all of these....Happy Birthday to a special gal....

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, dear one, may your birthday be full of blessings and love.

    Do not think of it as a holiday nor what is passed but more as a chance to be with those you love.

    You are a strong loving person, please don't let the past drag you down.

    Sing praises, dance the dance of happiness and hold the ones you love.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wishing you the most beautiful birthday, Kim as you are a lovely person and just go ahead and laugh and be happy with your special loved ones!
    God bless
    Christine

    ReplyDelete
  21. Happy Birthday Kim- you are right- BE HAPPY! This is my year to hit the speed limit, so I am a little befuddled about it all. But like you, determined to make it a joyous affair, at least in my own mind.

    ReplyDelete
  22. What a cruel thing for your stepmother to say. Dear one, my heart just hurts for you. I pray that you are able to put aside those memories from the past and focus on the many blessings God has given you and know just how much you are loved. {{{hug}}}

    ReplyDelete
  23. Kim
    I hope you have a wonderful birthday eat a lot of cake and enjoy yourself.
    "Forget them former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up; do you not perceive it" Isaiah 43:18-19
    Sending big hugs your way...Happy Birthday
    BTW 55 is still pretty young :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Kim, your birthday is now past, but I hope you had a lovely day. I hope, after these years, that you were able to say, 'This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us be glad and rejoice in it'.

    Such heartache comes from words carelessly said :/

    I am so glad you decided to have a special day.
    Love, A x

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for visiting my blog.
Think of this as coming onto my porch and having
a visit.