October

October

Monday, December 31, 2012

The 2012 Wrap-Up

I wish I could wrap up 2012 with a whole list of great things I accomplished. What I see from where I stand is a whole lot of things and roads I traveled that didn't go very far. If I could say one thing about 2012 I would say it was filled with challenges and I expect 2013 to be the same.
This last year I spent lot of time being really mad at God. I fought Him and I yelled at Him and accused Him. There were times I thought that this relationship I think I have must all be in my head. I prayed and begged and pleaded. All to a ceiling in my house. The prayers bounced off, and the heavens had a sign that said, " Move on no prayers answered for you." That was how I felt. The emptiness in my soul was a wide as the Grand Canyon.

 I felt this barren inside most days. I felt abandoned and all alone. I know simple rules that faith is not about feelings. Faith is in the person of Jesus Christ, The Bible and reading that Book over and over even when I didn't feel it. It is praying even when I don't want to and it is getting up and doing the right things over and over again and it is about never giving up. Then remember when that letter came? I met my Waterloo. Who I am and what I am came spewing forth. I was bumped. Need I tell you the ways I plotted revenge? The conversations I had in my mind every day and every night. I thought I would loose my mind. I begged God to let me forgive and move on. I begged God because some one else had taken over my body and who I thought I was was just gone.

Then as so often happens. I gave up and I said, Okay, Lord, not my will but yours and I will obey. So I did a few very simple things and on that day, it was just like magic. The trials came to an end, the prayers I prayed and I thought were not heard began to tumble like dominoes just falling in to place with the gentle clicking sounds as they all fall in a row. So I close the year with that long list of prayers with a date and an answer beside it. Most of them answered with answers far greater than I expected and with much better results than I dreamed. I became so humbled and ashamed at my lack of true faith. I have seen things in me that make me shrink back in shock that I could be so hateful and evil. I realize that it is only Jesus in me not a different set of circumstances that even gets me though the day.

I will say I have learned so much. I also will say standing here now and looking back. I am thankful. I know without a doubt that when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He is with me. Even though I am not real wild about the rod, I know there are times I need it like I need His staff to guide me. I know that He is the good shepherd and that as a sheep, I know my shepherds voice. I know that when I stray, He finds me and carries me gently home. Yes, in 2012 He has led me down paths I did not want to go. He never left me nor did He forsake me. He has continued to expand my vision and has shown me His mercy.
I think the best lesson I have learned in 2012 is that " I must trust God---my times are in His hands. His timing is never late."


The verse I claim for 2013 is this from Isaiah 58:11
The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Thank you for reading my words today. Thank you for being with me through this year of my life. I think 2013 will be a year of relinquishment for me. It will be giving up and opening my hands of all that I am so that when I was young and God would bless us with one more baby and I would think I couldn't do it one more time and somehow I did. How little did I know that He had so much more in mind than I could ever dream. 
 He took my life and He restored all of the years the locust had eaten and He continues to give me more than I ever deserve. When I looked at the photo, I saw what God has done with a very unwilling servant. Just think what He could do with a willing one.



I wish you blessings and peace and joy and love in 2013

~Kim~



20 comments:

  1. really sweet, kim. you are so honest. bless you and yours as you keep on...

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  2. What a year it has been for you Kim
    What came to mind as you were describing your struggles was Jeremiah visiting the potter as God explained if the potter could reshape a clay pot, so could God.

    I'm so glad that you have appropriated what you learned by this suffering and that you've been strengthened and so has your faith.

    Wishing you joy, love, peace, hope and and good health in the new year to you and your family.

    Thanks for being a good blogger friend. I appreciate your friendship so very much.

    Hugs,
    JB

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  3. It is always such a blessing to me to read your blog. Today's was so powerful. Thank you for being so transparent. You bless so many by sharing what you are experiencing. I admire the gift you have of expressing what is on your heart. Thank you, bless you!

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  4. What a great post! Gosh, so many people. You definitely have been through a lot this year. It seems like that letter was so long ago, I had forgotten it was this year.

    We need to spend more time together this coming year.

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  5. Hugs, blessings & Amen!
    Thank God there was light for you, at the breaking point. This was a wonderful post!
    Happy New Year.

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  6. Wishing you and yours a Happy New Year, Francine.

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  7. Thanks for sharing, and being so honest with us! I hope you have a wonderful new year in 2013!

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  8. Oh sweet Kim I wish I had known how much you struggled with this through this year, as how I would have loved to have prayed more specifically for you. I too have been there soo many times. But it is the one thing we CAN always count on. God loves us NO MATTER WHAT....He cares for us, and when we are finally at the end of ourselves He touches us in ways we honestly couldn't have imagined. How glad I am to hear how the Lord has heard your cries, and you have learned soo much. May He richly bless you and yours in 2013! HUGS

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  9. I feel like I went through very similar trials. I'm trying not to start the new year in depression (temporary jobs, after all, are temporary). God's promised to take care of us, even if there are giants in the land.

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  10. So glad you had a nice Christmas and that you are looking forward to 2013! I enjoyed getting caught up. Lots going on here.Hopefully, I will get a post done soon!

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  11. Peace and joy to you, Kim! xo Nellie

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  12. A lovely post Kim! May your new year bring all kind of good things and rain for the midwest.

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  13. Sweet post, Kim. I didn't realize you'd had such a challenging year (I'm not so good at keeping up with everyone's blogs -- sorry :(). But I am so glad God redeemed the year and proved Himself faithful to you in the end. May He continue the healing work He has begun in you, and may 2013 be filled with more blessings than you can imagine :)

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  14. GREAT ENTRY!

    Happy New Year, full of joy, health and God’s Blessings!
    BShell

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  15. I have been so blessed this morning by reading blogs where my friends, even though there were so many challenges for them this past year, they realize and tell of God's faithfulness!, Kim you are one of those friends, thank you for your faithfulness in writing about this. You never know how much encouragement others glean from reading of how God brings us through these challenges!
    This really has been a challenging year for so many, myself included, and like you and so many others, I am here to say "God is so faithful, all the time."
    May this year brings many blessings for you and your family, You remain a constant encouragement to me.
    Much love,
    Sue

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  16. Kim,
    I am praying for many blessing for you in this new year. You know that the path that you traveled this year is a mirror of mine. It is so hard to just step back and let God work things out. It is a lesson that I am still trying to learn.
    Love,
    Marti

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  17. Praying that you will have an easier time in 2013 ... but resting in the knowledge that whatever 2013 brings, you will find strength and comfort in the Lord. Have a blessed 2013, my friend!

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  18. Happy New Year Kim. I know 2013 is going to be a year full of blessings for you. Just like you've been to me.

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  19. What a nice post. I appreciate how you always see the good. You might not think you do, but through your actions and words you show me how pray heals our souls. Happy New Year Kim!!

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