Thursday, May 10, 2012
Thinking on Thursday
I will tell you a buried secret. My daughter is 30 so they can't come lock me up. When I became a mother I didn't know a thing, not a thing. My husband being a resourceful man worked and worked to learn out to fold a cloth diaper. We were too poor to buy disposable ones. The first morning he left me to go to work and I was left in that empty house with a baby, I was terrified. I was sitting in a chair crying, because I just didn't know what in the world I was going to do, then the thought came, you pick her up and change her and feed her. Duh!! Right away we know I am not a rocket scientist.
That was huge to me. But here is the bad part. Sitting in the rocking chair holding my new baby and as I looked at her, I wondered if she was really real. I stared at her and then I thought, " I wonder what happens if I pull her hair?" So very gently I pulled it she squirmed around so I knew then she was a real baby. Then cried my eyes out that I would do something so dumb.
So when Mother's Day comes around, well lets say, I still am not real sure about this mothering thing. I saw a sign once that said, " Who are all of these children and why are they calling me mother?" That pretty much describes me. Each time I was in labor, and I knew there was no way I could do it again and how in the world did those other ones get in that house, well I feel like that every year at Mother's Day.
For me, I really feel like I should drop to my knees and ask forgiveness for all of the dumb ideas I had that they had to live through, all of the food they had to eat. I swear one summer they ate every single kind of cold cereal on the market shelves. My son was recounting the other day, the whole wheat stage I went through when I ground my wheat and used it to make this thing called a puff pancake, or the Ortega casserole stage, they said we ate that every night too.
No, when Mother's Day rolls around, for me, it is just better best forgotten
That is why I am more shocked than anyone they still like me. Not only that, then even give me hugs
and say, " I love you, Mom you are the best."
It makes you wonder,