July

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Monday, October 11, 2010

Monday Morning


I loved this picture of a Zinnia still so tight in its bud.
I hope the frost doesn't come before it has a chance to bloom.
Why this speaks to me today is, really, don't want to write
about this but all day it has been on my mind.

Then the message this morning, was on forgiveness. I tried
to ignore it. Then later this afternoon, I put in my I pod and
went to work on some wood and I thought, well I will just listen
to a message and it was on forgiveness. I have been
running from it all day.

Yesterday, when I was at the conference. You know with 11,000
people in attendance you are going to run into people you know.
Well, I was just going along minding my own business.
We were standing in line waiting to get ice cream. I don't like
ice cream so I shouldn't even have been there but my husband likes
it so I went. We are visiting with the people behind us and
the people in front of us when my husband leans over and says, "
Look, that is so and so and his wife." I looked and all of a sudden,
I am mad, I mean crazy mad. I mean, glad his wife had gained weight and
he is totally white headed. Yep, I stood there and was a bitter,
and evil woman. I wanted to run.

I have to tell you, this man and his wife have done nothing to me
personally. But he did things to my husband. For three years, he made
my husbands life hell. Every day when my husband left for work,
my stomach was in knots. My Dad was sick and died and I went through
it alone because this man had projects that had to be finished.

My husband, always had a good attitude. I did not. I knew that
of course, I had to forgive this man. I studied the life of Joseph
I tried to remember that God means this for good. It was so hard
to get on my knees and pray for this man and his family, but I did
it because I wanted to be free.
Then the morning came when I knew I had finally forgiven him.
My husband called me to tell me that this man had turned in his two week
notice. I kept thinking why didn't I forgive him sooner.

So until yesterday, standing in the line, I have not thought of him at all.
But I have today. I have walked and walked because of the evil that still
lurks in my evil heart. I have tried to forgive and I have tried to focus
on really the good that came out of all of it.

My husband works in a much nicer company, with very sweet people.
God continues to bless the work of his hands. My life is so much better.
I got into size 8 jeans, oops sorry.
God has brought such joy in my life that I never dreamed in 2003,
I am so blessed, but still I found out today, I still need to forgive.
My husband didn't even act like anything ever happened. Just because
he is that nice.

I didn't want to write about this because I want you to think I am always nice.
I am not. It has been on my mind and wouldn't go away.
This is what I read today.
In His Mercy, God stands silently by and permits us to agonize.
He loves us enough---strongly enough, irresistibly enough---to
allow us to be hurt."

I know that He is there with me, even when I don't want to listen
but I do know that I like being free better than having unforgiveness
in my heart. I know that " For where my treasure is, there my heart
will be also."
( Matthew 6:21)
I want my heart to not shrink back from the shepherd who continues
to lead me.

So I thought I would share this with you, because it was what I
thought about all day, even when I tried to keep busy so I wouldn't.
I do hope you have a lovely Monday.

Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, for His wonderful works to the children of men!

(Psalm. 107:6)



11 comments:

  1. I think it is our natural instinct to protect and defend the ones we love when someone hurts them. Forgiveness is often hard but it is even harder to forget.
    And we still think you are nice. :)

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  2. Oh Kim, I just adore you. You are human like the rest of us. It's hard sometimes to be Godly in all our thoughts and actions and we all fail sometimes. The truth is--you noticed your negative thoughts and feelings and knew they weren't right. So many people don't do that. I think you have a heart of gold and your husband's ex-boss doesn't know how lucky he is. I bet many others have those evil feelings about him--perhaps at his new job :) LOL
    Amy

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  3. Kim, I agree with Kim and Verde farm that after all we are human and you are so adorable even when you have evil feelings. You are a very discerning person and you always strive to do the will of God.
    Sometimes when I get stuck in that evil pit of unforgiveness I picture myself at the foot of the cross and let Jesus' blood drip on me in my imagination when I listen to his word coming deep within his hurting but loving heart and my troubles seems so petty in comparison to what he endured and yet forgave his torturers. HUGS. JB

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  4. Thanks for your nice comment on last post. I just wanted to share this with you... Yesterday when my husband came home and asked me how I made out in his absence, I turned to my blog and read my posts and all the comments and when I got to yours I clicked on your profile and read your post at the convention. He looked at your profile photo and" and she's such a pretty woman". Just so you know. Have a great day. JB

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  5. Hi Kim,
    Thank you for sharing this with us all because it takes a lot of courage to admit we have these feelings. The truth is, we all have them whether we admit them publicly or not. It just shows your dependence on God and his mercy and why we need him so much, and I think it's awesome that you recognize this. Oh, and I thought it was so cute that you mentioned you fit into the size 8 jeans, too! Go Kim :-)!!!!

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  6. Sometimes we never realize we hang on to little splinters and finally that work themselves out to the surface. So much better out than in! That's just more room for HIM to fill.
    Thanks for sharing your heart,
    Karen

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  7. I totally understand. I sometimes think that I hold on to hurt to make sure that I don't ease up and let myself get hurt again. I know God wants me to be better than that. Actually, it would be better for ME if I could let go of some things. When we hold on to anger, we really only hurt ourselves. I know this. I really, really know this. I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but I can remember someone saying something nasty however many years ago. You aren't alone, friend!

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  8. What a true blessing to read. I watched the story of Joseph last night by myself...husband working, and thought over and over again how God used it all for good, and how Joseph forgave!
    I was so humbled again to just see God's hand.

    What a blessing for you to let it go. I know the feeling, my husband has had those type of experiences, our whole family suffered, and yet, he can still go up to the person and just love them...I have learned so much from my man's forgiving heart.

    Thanks for being open...congratulations again on your jean size...that is awesome...now I need to get going and loose my weight. Now I hope you also have a lighter heart.

    Isn't God good to bring it to our attention when He is ready to give us the grace to deal with it?...blessings

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  9. oh sweetie, don't you know it just makes us like you MORE?

    we have all been there. every sunday that i sing in choir i
    have to face the good wife of a man, who my husband had
    to fire for a very good reason. it kills me, and i ask the
    Lord to cover the situation . . . and there is always the
    size 8 jeans. :)

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  10. Girlfriend you're human. We all have people like that in our lives. Did ya have to rub the size 8 jeans in our face, again! Hope you have a better day tomorrow, life is just to short to stress.

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  11. Hi Kim,
    As always you have ministered to me,
    I felt like someone was writing my story of something that had happened in my life some years back, and it took me the longest to forgive them, all the while the Holy Spirit would tug at my heart, and i would tell my family I had forgiven them, but only partly. Then one night at a revival service I really listened to the Lord and forgave them, and when I saw them which was two weeks later, I went and put my arms around them and told them I loved them, and this time I really meant it. I know exactly what you mean about being free.
    Thank you dear friend for being my friend.
    Much love and hugs,
    Sue
    Sorry for the long comment.

    ReplyDelete

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